Category: Humour

Some treats for you all today 🙂

In the computing world, there’s a term “WTF”. I’m sure you know what it stands for (what the f***), but one other blogger has nicely termed it as “Worse Than Failure”. It is used when we encounter situations of:

1. Dumb management
2. Dumb programmers
3. Dumb users
4. Dumb mistakes we make ourselves

Let me share with you some stories of phone calls I get at work. Names have been changed to protect myself (the innocent).

Case One: Flirty Mary

Me: Hello?
Mary: Hello Adino, I have this problem…
Me: Did you click this and this and this?
Mary: Oh yeah, not yet hahaha… Adino you are so good la…
Me: No lah, haha…
Mary: You know ah, I thought I did something wrong in the system. If my boss find out I will lose my job.
Me: *joke* I also won’t have job la haha…
Mary: Then I don’t care, you take care of me la…
Me: Err… *quiet*

Case Two: Grandma Stories

Me: Hello?
Ms A: Hello Adino, I have a problem…
Me: OK, do this and this and this, then do that. Try now?
Ms A: Oh yeah, can already. Thank you for you help.
Me: OK, good bye…
Ms A: By the way ah… I really don’t like this other system la. So hard to use, not flexible…

*2 minutes later*

Me: Aha, aha, yes…

*2 minutes later*

Me: Mm… mmm… yeah I agree… *surfing blogs*

*2 minutes later*

Me: OK, Ms A, why don’t you raise your concerns to my manager? Ok? Thanks, bye!

Case 3: Know-it-all Jack

Me: Hello?
Jack: Hello, your system have problem.
Me: Have you tried doing this and this and that?
Jack: Yes I have, I even tried that and that and this…
Me: Hmm… strange…

*at this point the user sounds quite tech-savvy so I use more technical terms*

Me: So have you checked that the client utility is installed properly? When you installed, did you have administrator privileges?
Jack: Err… ya ya. I already did that. Your system not working la
Me: Strange… Are you sure? No one else is having this problem. Can you give me your IP address?
Jack: I forgot, where do you do that
Me: Start button, Run. Then type ‘Cmd’. Then use the ipconfig utility.
Jack: Where’s the Start button?
Me: …

I saw this item posted on LifeHacker recently… it’s a bedside table that you can use to protect yourself from intruders. I think this is quite cool, but I only wish they had a lightsaber version.

If you ask me whether I would buy one, I don’t think so. I have my fearsome dog to protect me. If anyone breaks in Sushi will lick them to death.

Su’shi the Guardian Wolf

Hit Points: 5

Equiped with Fluffy Fur armour (AC -9) and using Bare Paws as weapons (THACO 1, Damage +9), this fearsome creature sleeps at the side of his master, protecting his domain from trespassers such as cockroaches, small birds and kitty cats. Able to cast Level 1 Charm on weak minded creatures for short moments of time, Su’shi will cause his opponents to want to bend down and pet him. When they do, he strikes with his Bare Paws combo and uses his Level 1 Heart Melting Lick spell to subvert opponents to his will.

Once subdued, the opponents will await their fate as Su’shi’s master Adino the Spartan wakes from his slumber…

I got this in my email today, and I thought I would Ah Beng-ify it:

60 year old Ah Beng phoned his doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” he wanted to know, “that the medicine you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told Ah Beng.

There was a moment of silence before Ah Beng replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”

Doctor: “….”