Dealing With Difficult People

Recently I’ve had some nasty life experiences. If you see me looking all moody, don’t worry it’s not because of you. It’s because of some difficult people I’ve had to face. So, in true ‘writing therapy’ fashion, here’s a follow up to my previous post on dealing with frustration.

How does one deal with difficult people? First of all, let me define who difficult people are. These are the people who just hate your guts. They actively seek to make your life miserable. They may gang up against you, or influence other people’s opinions against you. They are the bullies that take advantage of your weaknesses in order to hide their own. They are the people who just don’t like you for trivial reasons, and make sure you know it.

There are several ways to deal with these people:

Run Away

This is my favourite method. You just take yourself out of the situation, and problem solved. I have taken this road more than I care to remember. The advantage of this method is a quick solution. Just quit whatever you are doing, and leave so that those people are not part of your life anymore. The obvious disadvantage is you missing an opportunity to grow and mature to deal with such people. I am not proud to say that I have taken this road more than once (I blame my phlegmetism), but I have learned other ways.

Ignore Them

My (soon to be ex current) boss Mr Koay is a very nice man, and although I have worked with him for only a few months, I can see that he is an excellent leader with great vision and practical solutions. During some of the sessions where he was sharing to me about this topic, he told me this great truth. No one is going to love you all the time. More people will disagree with you the higher up you move in the corporate ladder, or the more prominent you become. You will face many difficult people. Some of them might even hate you.

The secret is learning to let go of the need to be liked and accepted by everyone. He told me that I should never stoop the their level. Instead, be confident of who I am and what I am doing. Never let them affect you. As long as you are doing good, you don’t have to let them abuse you. Don’t suffer from a victim syndrome. I’m really thankful that he is willing to spare his busy time to share with me all this. Trust me, even though it doesn’t seem like I have absorbed it at that time, I am really thinking about what he said, and it is helping me. I feel that it’s so true. If you can learn to be immune to difficult people, you will be able to focus on other things. You may even learn to be mature enough to be nice to them instead.

Submit to God

Another way to deal with difficult people is to pray about the situation and to trust God with the resolution. Seek God’s will for the path and actions to take. Keep your testimony. God has promised that evil people will perish, that we can cast all our cares upon Him. He has promised to be our friend, an ever present help during times of trouble.

I’m ashamed to say that I find this method the hardest of all, even though it seems like the easiest. All you have to do is pray about it, and do nothing. Simple? No. How do you pray if your heart is filled with so much anger, frustration, even hate? How can you do nothing when unfair things are being done to you? How can you not retaliate? I guess I need more maturity in this area. But I hope God doesn’t send me more difficult people.

In conclusion, I just hope that I don’t turn out to be a difficult person. Having experienced what it is like to be a victim, I will think twice before being nasty to others. I will make sure that I am not part of some mob bullying a vulnerable soul.

Do you have ways of dealing with difficult people? Please share your wisdom and methods with me.

Welcome 2007

This morning I woke up to the sound of birds singing. There were two or three of them, exchanging morning greetings in the form of chirps, tweeting and sporadic musical phrases. Perhaps they were chatting about how the sky lit up with explosions last night, about flowers in the dark sky and thunder without rain. Perhaps they were asking each other if they had eaten. Perhaps they were wishing each other a Happy New Year.

The first thing that I thought of when I woke up was, “I miss my darling” (really!). The second thing was how the sound of those birds really put me in a relaxed mood.

This morning as I wake up to a new year I realize that I have to put a lot of things behind me. Part of the process of growing is learning to learn from our mistakes, to gather ourselves, place our eyes on the horizon and move on, taking one step at a time. 2007 will be a wonderful and exciting year for me.

I have recently resigned from my job at my current company. I’ve been there for six and a half years. It’s a really great company. The top management is superb because they are always progressive. I have learned a lot there. However, the time has come for me to move on, because I have been offered better prospects elsewhere. It was an offer I can’t resist so I have to say goodbye to this company.

The process of leaving is not easy. There are a lot of pending items to deal with, and there are some problems that need to be addressed. All this is giving me a lot of stress, and I’ve had a very moody weekend.

I will be moving into my new home soon, I will be getting married, and I’m starting an exciting new job. I have so many things to look forward to, and I pray for God’s grace to protect us all from any misfortunes.

I did not prepare any resolutions this year, because I predict that I will be very busy this year. Too busy to work on improving my life perhaps, but I will always be on the lookout for ways to hack my life.

As I leave you now, I hear the sound of a puppy carried over the wind. One of the neighbors must have gotten a new doggy.

Dealing With Extreme Frustration

Have you ever felt really frustrated with the situation you are in? Have you ever been in a situation where things go wrong through no fault of your own?

Do you feel lost in dealing with frustration? Have you ever wondered how others deal with frustrations in life?

I was inspired to write this article on dealing with frustration because of something that is happening to my friend. I see the situation from within, and I looked at it from another perspective. Either way, there is a lot of frustration on all sides.

Frustration always happens when we don’t get what we want. For example, I would be frustrated if I was in line at the grocery store and the cashier was slow. The source of frustration would be me not being able to complete my transaction quickly. In another example, I would be frustrated with someone who disagrees with me, because I cannot that person to think the way I want them to think.

Frustration that is not managed properly can be very destructive. When we get frustrated,we find that we become very tense and stressed. My back muscles can harden and bunch up until it hurts to lie down. My blood pressure increases. Different people have different reactions to frustration. Some people who are more extrovert will display their frustration, while introverts may keep it bottled inside.

Extreme frustration happens when the stress becomes too much for you to handle. You make rash decisions. You get easily angered. You get paranoid. You engage in anti-social behavior.

How do we deal with extreme frustration? Through my observations, I have noticed people doing different things. Some people have the most remarkable ability to let things slide off. It’s like they’re Teflon: nothing sticks. Some people resign themselves to the fact that nothing can be done. They leave it to karma, or divine justice to improve the situation.

Personally, I handle frustrations by converting the stored ‘energy’ into actions. A good way for me to get my mind off things is to exercise. For example, I was so upset one day I swam 80 laps in the pool. By doing that I get to release stress, work out my muscles, and have time to think things through.

Writing this article has taught me look deep within myself to the source of my frustration. Is there something that I can’t get? I’ll have to explore my feelings to find out. I guess in the process of growing up, everyone will come to this realization.

So, how do you handle frustration? I would love to hear from you.