Today is just one of those days where I start thinking where I am headed in life.
In fact, I’ve been feeling very depressed the whole week and I don’t understand why.
One thing I do during these times of moodiness is to evaluate where I am at the present, and where I want to be in the future.
Yesterday I was seriously having some mid-life crisis kind of thoughts. No I wasn’t thinking about getting a mistress or a flashy new car.
I searched deep within to honestly write down my skills.
I got a pretty short list, and I felt dismayed to see that I can’t consider myself an expert in any particular skill.
Then I started creating another list of my passions. This was an even shorter list, and many of the things I’m passionate about, I’m not even good at them.
For example, one of my passions is the bass guitar. But I’m not so good I can make a living out of it.
Recently I’m really hooked on bowling. But I’m so bad at it that I’ll be last place in any league or tournament.
I’m not being modest, just being realistic.
So I started to ask myself, what have I been doing all these 30 years of my life? Why can’t I be really really good at something?
Well, something I’m really really good at is my job. But I feel so tired sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I need a breath of fresh air.
How nice if I could make a living from what I am passionate in!
But the fact is, to change career path now would mean a drastic reduction in income. And in life, nothing works without money, especially now I have a wife and two kids.
So I’m resigned to the fact that I’m going to be here for the next 30 years.
Passions can only be hobbies, and nothing more. And that makes me feel really sad.
On a positive note, I do think that anything is possible. If I really want something bad enough, I could find ways to get there.
I’m still plotting and scheming…