Thinking About My Wedding

Last Saturday I attended a wedding dinner from one of my youth friends in my previous church. The venue happens to be the same place I’m hosting my wedding, so I was impressed with what I will be getting.

After the wedding dinner, my darling and I were discussing on our own plans for our wedding. We decided that it’s time to begin serious planning for our wedding. There are so many things to do! As we were talking, I realized that I’m going to be very busy real soon. I began to realize that my wedding was not as simple as I envisioned it. It was going to be a day filled with activities from the start to the end! Needless to say, this left me a little lost and feeling helpless.

I pondered on the reason for all the ‘necessary’ things that are needed for weddings. Sure, a lot of the activities and ceremonies are deemed necessary to conform to Chinese tradition. But when you come to think about it, a lot of things have been commercialized today. Why is it now compulsory to wear designer gowns, to drink champagne and to arrive in a Mercedes Benz? Who said that wedding photos need to be taken in studios (who over-charge you anyway)? Who said that brides and grooms must look as slim possible?

There’s always this pressure that weddings are a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so we must not hold back from getting things perfect. I’d like to point out that the wedding lasts for only one day, while any debts I incur may take years for me to recover from. I’d tell them that these frills actually takes the focus away from what’s important (i.e., my bride).

What happened to simplicity? I’ve always imagined my wedding to be a sweet and intimate time with my family and friends. My idea was to have the essence of a ceremony to make our wedding vows before God and before everyone. There will not be a need to impress anybody, and there will not be a need to conform to traditions that add no value to our marriage.

Sigh.

What I’m trying to say is we need to be aware of the influences and expectations put upon us. When planning for something as important as a wedding, we can get carried away. I just want our wedding to be as pure as possible without being corrupted by commercial expectations and worldly customs.

Anyway, our wedding will be a nice one. I’m going to spend extra on flowers and ribbons because that’s how Poey Chin likes it. It’s being hosted in a posh five star hotel. We’re going to be taking our wedding photos at a studio wearing designer clothes. I don’t know about me being slimmer, but we’re going to drink champagne and arrive in a Mercedes Benz. I’m going to love it.

We threw around some outdoor wedding ideas, but ultimately felt that it wasn’t right for us.

I will try my best to fight the commercialism. After my wedding, I don’t want my guests to be impressed about all the things they can see around them. I just want them to be impressed that Poey Chin and I love each other very much. I want them to remember our vows and to be a part of our new life together. Ten years from now, I want people to remember my wedding because they can see how much we love each other.

Dealing With Difficult People

Recently I’ve had some nasty life experiences. If you see me looking all moody, don’t worry it’s not because of you. It’s because of some difficult people I’ve had to face. So, in true ‘writing therapy’ fashion, here’s a follow up to my previous post on dealing with frustration.

How does one deal with difficult people? First of all, let me define who difficult people are. These are the people who just hate your guts. They actively seek to make your life miserable. They may gang up against you, or influence other people’s opinions against you. They are the bullies that take advantage of your weaknesses in order to hide their own. They are the people who just don’t like you for trivial reasons, and make sure you know it.

There are several ways to deal with these people:

Run Away

This is my favourite method. You just take yourself out of the situation, and problem solved. I have taken this road more than I care to remember. The advantage of this method is a quick solution. Just quit whatever you are doing, and leave so that those people are not part of your life anymore. The obvious disadvantage is you missing an opportunity to grow and mature to deal with such people. I am not proud to say that I have taken this road more than once (I blame my phlegmetism), but I have learned other ways.

Ignore Them

My (soon to be ex current) boss Mr Koay is a very nice man, and although I have worked with him for only a few months, I can see that he is an excellent leader with great vision and practical solutions. During some of the sessions where he was sharing to me about this topic, he told me this great truth. No one is going to love you all the time. More people will disagree with you the higher up you move in the corporate ladder, or the more prominent you become. You will face many difficult people. Some of them might even hate you.

The secret is learning to let go of the need to be liked and accepted by everyone. He told me that I should never stoop the their level. Instead, be confident of who I am and what I am doing. Never let them affect you. As long as you are doing good, you don’t have to let them abuse you. Don’t suffer from a victim syndrome. I’m really thankful that he is willing to spare his busy time to share with me all this. Trust me, even though it doesn’t seem like I have absorbed it at that time, I am really thinking about what he said, and it is helping me. I feel that it’s so true. If you can learn to be immune to difficult people, you will be able to focus on other things. You may even learn to be mature enough to be nice to them instead.

Submit to God

Another way to deal with difficult people is to pray about the situation and to trust God with the resolution. Seek God’s will for the path and actions to take. Keep your testimony. God has promised that evil people will perish, that we can cast all our cares upon Him. He has promised to be our friend, an ever present help during times of trouble.

I’m ashamed to say that I find this method the hardest of all, even though it seems like the easiest. All you have to do is pray about it, and do nothing. Simple? No. How do you pray if your heart is filled with so much anger, frustration, even hate? How can you do nothing when unfair things are being done to you? How can you not retaliate? I guess I need more maturity in this area. But I hope God doesn’t send me more difficult people.

In conclusion, I just hope that I don’t turn out to be a difficult person. Having experienced what it is like to be a victim, I will think twice before being nasty to others. I will make sure that I am not part of some mob bullying a vulnerable soul.

Do you have ways of dealing with difficult people? Please share your wisdom and methods with me.

Welcome 2007

This morning I woke up to the sound of birds singing. There were two or three of them, exchanging morning greetings in the form of chirps, tweeting and sporadic musical phrases. Perhaps they were chatting about how the sky lit up with explosions last night, about flowers in the dark sky and thunder without rain. Perhaps they were asking each other if they had eaten. Perhaps they were wishing each other a Happy New Year.

The first thing that I thought of when I woke up was, “I miss my darling” (really!). The second thing was how the sound of those birds really put me in a relaxed mood.

This morning as I wake up to a new year I realize that I have to put a lot of things behind me. Part of the process of growing is learning to learn from our mistakes, to gather ourselves, place our eyes on the horizon and move on, taking one step at a time. 2007 will be a wonderful and exciting year for me.

I have recently resigned from my job at my current company. I’ve been there for six and a half years. It’s a really great company. The top management is superb because they are always progressive. I have learned a lot there. However, the time has come for me to move on, because I have been offered better prospects elsewhere. It was an offer I can’t resist so I have to say goodbye to this company.

The process of leaving is not easy. There are a lot of pending items to deal with, and there are some problems that need to be addressed. All this is giving me a lot of stress, and I’ve had a very moody weekend.

I will be moving into my new home soon, I will be getting married, and I’m starting an exciting new job. I have so many things to look forward to, and I pray for God’s grace to protect us all from any misfortunes.

I did not prepare any resolutions this year, because I predict that I will be very busy this year. Too busy to work on improving my life perhaps, but I will always be on the lookout for ways to hack my life.

As I leave you now, I hear the sound of a puppy carried over the wind. One of the neighbors must have gotten a new doggy.