I spent the day doing PHP coding for a project at work, and during a break we decided to make a cheesecake.

This time we had a recipe to follow, but were missing a couple (optional) ingredients.

This is the end result: my mummy’s cheesecake recipe.

Looks a bit like a pizza from the top. Here’s how a slice of cheese cake looks after it has set (also after I adjusted white balance):

Recipe is simple:

1. Crush a cup of biscuits (digestive or Marie variety) and mix with half a pack of butter.
2. Line the biscuits in a pan and chill in freezer for ten minutes.
3. Mix a packet of cream cheese with half a cup of sugar, 1/4 cup of milk, juice from 1/2 a lemon and a bit of vanilla essense.
4. Mix till it’s creamy, non-lumpy and smooth.
5. Prepare about 1/2 cup of gelatin liquid and add to the creamy mixture.
6. Remove the biscuit base from the freezer, pour in the cream cheese mixture and place in fridge to set for a few hours.
7. Sprinkle any remaining biscuit crumbs on top for decoration.

It started with a low-grade sore throat, and I was down for a couple of days with fever.

Then the sore throat got worse. Doctor said I had ulcers on my tonsils. At the ulcers hurt whenever I spoke, breathed, or even took a sip of water. Every sip was like drinking molten metal.

I was in so much pain that I couldn’t even sleep.

I tried everything… lozenges, gargling with salt water, gargling with antiseptic mouthwash, taking Manuka honey. Nothing worked.

I contemplated going to ask doctor for some anesthetic spray.

And then last night Poey Chin boiled some nasty herbal drink for me. It was so bitter. Worse of all, it was slightly acidic and it hurt me even more with each sip. It took me half an hour to finish a mug of the drink.

It was supposed to remove the ‘fire’ from my body.

But guess what? An hour after drinking the potion, I could feel relief in my throat. I even managed to drink again without feeling sharp pain.

It has gone down from excruciating pain to a normal sore throat pain. I’m hoping it will go away completely after I take another mug of the drink.

Thank you, my darling wife. I know I usually don’t believe in those Eastern alternative treatment stuff, but this time it worked.

It is something that troubles often, but I have never taken the time to write about it, to explore my feelings, to think it through.

The thing that is bothering me is, is it bad for me to indulge myself? Is it wrong to buy something that I really want?

If you have read this blog long enough, you will see glimpses of the demons that are waging battle in my head.

The Problem

It is almost impossible not to be bombarded with ads or reviews for the latest desirable tech gadgets.

Sometimes when I see the latest Android phone or a useful iPhone application, I am really tempted to get one.

The Android phones are looking really good right now, especially with the Froyo upgrade.

Then I tell myself that I can’t really afford an iPhone, or that the money I save is for the future. The iPad temptation just makes it worse.

Why I’m Unhappy

And that is my problem. I save my money for the future, but in the short term I am unhappy.

I look around me and everyone has an iPhone, even those who have no idea how to use it to its best potential.

When my daughter misbehaves, she sends me into bouts of sadness and depression.

I’m saving all my money for her future, and this is how she treats me?

I am constantly asking myself if it is worth it?

The Downward Spiral

In those moments of sadness, it doesn’t seem to be worth the effort and sacrifice.

I’ll tell myself that I only have one life to live, so why not enjoy it with something to make me happy?

After all, it’s not that I don’t have the money. It’s just that I don’t want to spend the money. Why be so stingy with myself?

So I’ll go to YouTube and various websites to read the latest phone reviews. I’ll start scouting around for the best deals.

Then I start to feel guilty.

Guilty that I am spending my future away. Guilty of self indulgence while I advice others on my blog not to do the same.

Guilty of spending money on myself while I ask those around me to give up luxuries (e.g. life without Astro). Guilty that I am not planning responsibly for my family.

And this guilt is painful. I just bury the pain, looking forward to a better future with the money I save.

I tell myself not to look at these things, to focus on the bigger goals in life. And it works, for a while.

And then something happens, and I question if it is all worth it again…

My Struggle

I don’t know if any of you experience this, but I actually hurt whenever I see an iPhone ad on TV or on a billboard.

It feels like a knife stabs my heart and twisting it around.

It hurts because I see something I will never be able to have.

Making things worse, Apple will probably announce the next iPhone model today. (Update: iPhone 4 released!)

Moving On

There are only two ways to go from here.

I could just go ahead with the purchase to make myself happy. But the question I ask myself is, will there be another new ‘thing’ I desire after this?

The second path is to break free from consumerism. Break free from the desires planted by popular culture and advertising. Be grateful with what I have instead of wanting more.

My brain tells me to choose the second path, but my heart alternates between the two choices.

Self Analysis

As I complete this post, it dawns on me that the problem has nothing to do with buying a new phone for myself.

Even getting a new phone for free would not solve the problem.

There’s a deeper dissatisfaction or discontentment that I cannot pinpoint.

Maybe my priorities are out of alignment. Maybe I’m too selfish. Maybe I’m too inconsiderate. Maybe I’m just thinking too much.

I don’t know.

Four Months Ago

I weighed a ‘whopping’ 87 kg.

My left knee hurt every time I used the stairs.

I was out of breath after climbing a flight of stairs.

I ate a major dinner and a major supper. I devoured banana leaf rice.

I had high blood pressure.

My insurance premium shot up (application almost got rejected).

I contemplated buying new pants.

Today

I weigh 79 kg. My waist line has gone down a few inches.

No more pain in my knees.

I can run up a flight of stairs.

Blood pressure back to normal.

I can fit into my clothes again.

Poey Chin says I look like when we were dating four years ago.

The Triggers

There were a few factors that prompted me to lose weight.

1. My knee hurt so bad that I couldn’t go bowling for a few weeks. I wanted to strengthen my knee through exercise and lose weight to put less strain on it.
2. The Biggest Loser Asia (Carlo Miguel) really inspired me.
3. I was feeling sick, tired, and older than my age.
4. New girlfriend
5. Just kidding about number 4… people kept telling me I was fat. Including my mom. Including Google.

The Guide

I picked up a book in the library, it was by the author Paul Collins and the book was called ‘How to Lose Your Love Handles’. I’m not going to try and sell you the book (I think it’s Australian published)

This book gave me revelation.

A few have asked me how I lost weight, so today I’m going to share it all with you. All you have to do is pay $29.95 subscription.

Order today and I’ll throw in my fitness video “The Durian, Banana and Petai Diet with Adino” worth $19.95 and a free copy of “Teach Your Baby Piano” e-book!

OK enough nonsense haha.

How I Lost Weight

To summarize in one sentence, I ate every 3 hours and I exercised.

That’s right, I ate my way to lose weight. No diet shakes, no starving myself, no drugs.

The 3 hour diet is based upon these premises:

1. Eat constantly to maintain a constant blood sugar level.
2. This prevents over-eating, binging and cravings for junk food.
3. Eating every 3 hours means increases metabolism. Our body won’t go into ’starvation’ or preservation mode (that happens if it thinks it has to conserve energy).
4. Eat breakfast as soon as possible to kick start your metabolism
5. No eating before sleeping (at least 3 hours)
6. Avoid junk calories and calorie dense foods
7. Drink enough water
8. The goal is to lose fat, not lose muscle mass

So I started eating every 2.5 to 3.5 hours. For my work day routine, this would looks something like:

8:30am – breakfast, 11:00am – snack, 2:00pm lunch, 5:00pm snack, 8:00pm dinner.

For weekends, it will be:

9:00am – breakfast, 12:00pm – lunch, 3:00pm snack, 6:00pm dinner, (maybe) 9:00pm snack.

I will share more about the my fat loss diet menu in another post, but generally I avoid fried food, junk food, sugared drinks or any other high calorie foods.

In general I tried to consume around 1700 calories a day (my basal metabolic rate is around 2200 calories).

This breaks down to:

Breakfast – 300 calories, Snack – 200 calories, Lunch – 500 calories, Snack – 200 calories, Dinner – 500 calories.

If I didn’t exercise on that day, I lost about 500 calories a day. If I exercised, I could lose another 300-500 calories.

At that rate, I lost on average 1 kg every two weeks, but it wasn’t constant. Some weeks I’d lose 2 kg, some weeks my weight stayed the same.

It was a matter of healthy food selection, and controlling the portion size.

Why I Think It Worked (For Me)

First of all, when I wanted to go on a 3 hour eating plan, obviously I can’t hope to eat whatever was available. I had to actually plan what snacks to bring to work, and what I wanted to eat for my meals.

This planning in itself won half the battle, because I was conscious about what I could and couldn’t eat for the day, and the exact portions.

The other half of the battle was learning to say no to temptation.

The second reason why I think this worked for me, is I realized that I had heavy lunches and heavy dinners because I felt hungry. When I had snacks between meal times, I was less hungry, so I didn’t over eat any more.

Third reason, I worked really hard at my exercise bike. So many hundreds of kilometers cycled I always imagined I was cycling around Malaysia.

When I think of the pain and hard effort I went through, it’s really not appealing to stuff a chocolate bar in my mouth.

Fourth, I was able to motivate myself throughout. I focused on my objectives, and I rewarded myself when I achieved milestones.

Fifth, after a few weeks, it became easier because I formed a habit. After a few months, the habit became part of my new lifestyle.

Will the Weight Stay Off?

I think so, if I don’t go back to my old ways.

Nowadays I’m not trying to lose weight any more, so on weekends I just eat whatever I want (but not overindulge).

I plan to take a month or so of ‘rest’ before trying for weight loss round 2.

I’m happy with my results, considering I wasn’t even planning to lose weight in 2010.

Next week I’ll try to write another post on my favorite foods (and its calorie content), and which foods I avoided.

Technorati Tags: 3 Hour Diet, Lose Weight, Weight Loss, Healthy Eating, Exercise

Photo By: Alan Cleaver / CC BY 2.0

Today is just one of those days where I start thinking where I am headed in life.

In fact, I’ve been feeling very depressed the whole week and I don’t understand why.

One thing I do during these times of moodiness is to evaluate where I am at the present, and where I want to be in the future.

Yesterday I was seriously having some mid-life crisis kind of thoughts. No I wasn’t  thinking about getting a mistress or a flashy new car.

I searched deep within to honestly write down my skills.

I got a pretty short list, and I felt dismayed to see that I can’t consider myself an expert in any particular skill.

Then I started creating another list of my passions. This was an even shorter list, and many of the things I’m passionate about, I’m not even good at them.

For example, one of my passions is the bass guitar. But I’m not so good I can make a living out of it.

Recently I’m really hooked on bowling. But I’m so bad at it that I’ll be last place in any league or tournament.

I’m not being modest, just being realistic.

So I started to ask myself, what have I been doing all these 30 years of my life? Why can’t I be really really good at something?

Well, something I’m really really good at is my job. But I feel so tired sometimes. Sometimes I feel like I need a breath of fresh air.

How nice if I could make a living from what I am passionate in!

But the fact is, to change career path now would mean a drastic reduction in income. And in life, nothing works without money, especially now I have a wife and two kids.

So I’m resigned to the fact that I’m going to be here for the next 30 years.

Passions can only be hobbies, and nothing more. And that makes me feel really sad.

On a positive note, I do think that anything is possible. If I really want something bad enough, I could find ways to get there.

I’m still plotting and scheming…

Photo By: D Sharon Pruitt / CC BY 2.0

I’ve was thinking about some of the most difficult things I’ve had to do in my short 30 years of life.

I’ve decided to share three of them with you today, in reversed order of difficulty.

#3 Driving a manual car

I had to learn how to drive a manual transmission car after I sold off my automatic transmission car.

The first few weeks driving was pure stress and terror as I had to navigate hills, traffic jams, tolls.

Even crossing the highway to exit on the other side was an exercise in focus and concentration.

I’m happy to say that this has become second nature to me now.

#2 Writing a thesis

Problem one. The topic for my dissertation wasn’t really strong or interesting to begin with. I had to struggle to find a ‘niche’ topic that turned out to be rather difficult to write about.

(If you are curious, the topic was Standardization in M-Commerce Implementations. I wish there were iPhones back then. I’d have much more to write about.)

Problem two. I didn’t have much help from my project supervisor.

As a result, I struggled to complete my thesis. Every page, every paragraph was written with sweat and tears. It felt exactly like writing PPP posts. I was struggling to meet a minimum word count and put in some ‘keywords’.

I managed to finish, but I will never voluntarily attempt to write another thesis again.

#1 Raising Rachel

How do you make another person do what you tell them to do?

That little person has her own will and her own agenda. She has no sense of the dangers around her, and she wants what she wants immediately.

She cannot be reasoned with because she doesn’t understand enough. She cannot be negotiated with because she can’t speak well.

I really hate it when people ignore me when I speak to them. It makes my blood boil and my voice will get louder and louder. And Rachel does that to me every day.

Raising Rachel has been the toughest thing I’ve had to do. And honestly I don’t know if I can succeed.

Of course, some days Rachel will be in an obedient mood. But I can see her stubborn and rebellious character already, and I’m not looking forward to her teenage years.

If it’s hard for me, then it’s ten times harder for Poey Chin.

I really pray and beg to God Almighty that baby Daryl will have a more submissive and compliant character.

Photo by: Usodesita / CC BY 2.0

I’ve been feeling quite down, stressed and depressed lately.

1. Poey Chin’s parents are not getting better.

2. A lot of work, and so little time.

3. My ‘mega’ blog project flopped. Really made me lose hope in blogging.

4. Stress about second baby. May need to hire a domestic helper.

5. Stress about planned birth, especially how Rachel will react, and how to babysit her when Poey Chin is recovering.

6. Stress about Rachel. She’s being very clingy and demanding now.

7. I’m very impatient and snap easily.

8. My mom’s cousin is now taking care of Sushi, because my parents are traveling overseas soon, and I can’t because I live in a condo. It’s the logical and best decision, but still it hurts.

9. Things are breaking down around the house. Need to spend money to replace.

10. I start to doubt my direction in life. Every day is the same routine. Every week is the same. Only problems and troubles break the monotony.

Photo by macbeck / CC BY 2.0

I don’t know if any of you notice this about yourselves.

When you were a child, you virtually have unlimited energy. I watch my daughter Rachel and her cousins. They can play all day without feeling tired.

I think back to my childhood. Each morning I couldn’t wait to start playing, and I didn’t stop even when it was time to go to bed.

The days seemed to flash by without me realising. There was so much to do, so much to discover!

My aunties tell me that I used to jump all around, all day. They couldn’t keep me still. Now, Rachel is the same.

When I was a teenager, I was able to do so much within a single day. In the morning I would cycle a few km from Subang to USJ 13 to play basketball for two hours. Then I would cycle all the way back home.

Within the same day, I could meet up with friends for a game of badminton, and maybe bowl a couple of games. That very same night we could go out for a movie, and then I’d have the energy for computer games before I went to sleep.

When I started working, many of these activities stopped. At the most, I could do one activity a day. Maybe a jog before or after work, or maybe a quick swim.

There isn’t any energy left after a day at work.

When I started dating, physical exercise stopped altogether. My time was spent going out, watching movies, eating at restaurants. I started to look like a Biggest Loser Asia contestant (the ‘before’ version).

Now, I am fortunate if I can muster the energy to exercise even once a week. I go for a walk in the park with my girls and I’m exhausted. I go for a swim, and I have to nap a couple of hours to recover.

Don’t even ask me to think about cycling a few km. I dread the thought of even cycling up the SS18 hill slope.

I wonder if this energy situation of mine is due to natural aging, or is it due to my diet and lifestyle?

Do any of you have similar experiences? Do I just need to exercise more?

Photo by John Seb

Technorati Tags: Energy, Fitness, Exercise

Well, it wasn’t exactly funny from my point of view. It was quite sweaty and panicky really. But I guess I can laugh now that it’s all over.

At 12pm, I had to go to the toilet. Suddenly, the zip on my office trousers split apart.

It was horrifying.

There was this moment when I felt it giving way. In slow motion, I reached for the two sides of my trousers, too afraid to move.

I held my breath (you know, so that I can avoid putting more pressure on the zipper) and for just a moment it held.

And slowly, slowly it gave way (I had to breathe!) and my worst fears came true.

My phone rang. Poey Chin called, and I told her I had an emergency. “Hah? You have to see what?”

“Emergency,” I repeated.

“You need to sit?”

“No, I had a little emergency. My zip broke”

I could hear her silently laugh at me as I told her I needed some time alone to fix my wardrobe malfunction.

I spent a few minutes trying to repair the zip. I remembered reading some zipper repairing tips before. Well, good luck finding bees wax.

I snuck out of the toilet and found some safety pins in the first aid box. Then I went back to the toilet to try and patch things up.

I gave up after a few attempts (and after poking myself painfully a few times).

So I quietly went to get my laptop Izzie, and walked out of the back door of my department (pretending I was going for a meeting). All the while covering my zipper with my laptop.

I decided to take an early lunch break to go home and change.

So I walked out the back alley towards my car, to avoid meeting any colleagues.

I met a security guard who must have wondered why I was smiling at him nervously, clutching a laptop to my pants. He must have thought I had some weird techno fetish.

I texted a quick message to inform my colleague that I had to go home.

I safely made it to my car, and drove home hoping no one would mistake me for a flasher.

P/S: I hope none of my colleagues read this!

Poey Chin’s father has been diagnosed with lung cancer.

Poey Chin is really sad and depressed. I feel worried and helpless. How do we handle this?

We have consulted with specialists both in Ipoh and in UMMC and the result/advice is pretty much the same.

Due to old age, some treatment options are quite risky. The family is still deciding which treatment to pursue, or if they even want any treatment.

So far the only options are chemo and radiotherapy, or alternative treatment (someone recommended ozone therapy).

It’s a difficult choice.

Do you take the risk of chemo and radiotherapy, which could cause pain (and even kill you), for a small chance of controlling the cancer growth?

Or do you live peacefully and enjoy high quality life for a limited time?

If  you have experience, heard anything, know anybody or know of any websites regarding alternative treatment for lung cancer, please contact me via email or Facebook message (or you could leave an anonymous comment).

At work, there’s so much to do and so little time to do it. My computer Izzie is giving me problems. My development tools refuse to work due to a hibernate config error. I’ve been trying for days to get it started. My deadline is coming, all too quickly.

At home everyone is sick, and I think I’m going to be sick too. Feel so tired. The worst thing I have ever experienced so far is baby Rachel being sick. She cries for hours and we can’t calm her down. I start to panic sometimes. I’m really lost. She’s ok now but it is Poey Chin’s turn to be sick.

I got two bad news letters from my bank. First, they refused to revise my housing loan interest rate to the current low rates. I’m stuck at BLR +0.15 while new packages are offering BLR -2. Well, it was a long shot anyway. There isn’t anything I can do really.

Second, they are deducting RM5 from my savings account every six months, if my average balance in those six months is less than RM500. This is on top of the RM8 ATM card fees they deduct annually.

Its so bizarre. Savings account interest rates are already so low, now the bank actually charges you money to deposit! So I have to take a day off just to go to the bank to switch to a basic savings account.

The lifts at my condo are failing again. A group of residents have started a Residents Association, which is kind of strange because there is already a JMB. I just wonder if there will be a power grab a la Perak.

Sigh.

She does not comment much, so most of you have not interacted with her. But she reads each post, and gives me special comments for every post I write.

Our communication is not open to public. Many times we exchange secret messages on MSN or SMS. I always clear off my phone SMS records so nobody will read them.

This affair has been going on for a few years now. Some people don’t even know about her, or that I’ve had a child with her. Yes, I have a child with her.

I have never told anybody exactly how much I love her.

I don’t know how my life will turn out after my confession here today. Maybe you won’t hear of me again. Maybe you will be so disgusted with me that you won’t visit my blog again.

But allow me to tell you all about my special valentine. Better yet, let me show you a picture of us holding hands.

She grabbed my attention because she had all the qualities I wanted in a woman, and she did not have those that I did NOT want in a woman.

Her bubbly personality filled my quiet solitude life with new experiences, new friends and new found happiness.

Her gentleness and patience seems to be limitless, to put up with all my weird habits and my impatience.

The first time she cooked for me, I could imagine eating her food every day for the rest of my life. She is my cooking mama.

She does so many things for me and our child without complaining or expecting a reward. She is a wonderful mother.

She listens to my problems and knows things that I can never tell anyone else. She is my partner in every life decision. She is my constant companion.

She laughs at my dumb jokes and reads all my blog posts.

I love her so much not only because she has all these wonderful qualities, not because she does all these things for me.

I love her because I can’t imagine how my life would be without her beside me.

I need her, to feel her, to smell her, to hear her voice and to hold her.

I love her because we have become part of each other.

I love her for all those difficult times we have gone through together.

There is nothing that I want to change about her.

And this year I want to extend a valentine’s day greeting to the beautiful child we made together…

You may not understand what I am saying now, but I hope one day you will know how much daddy loves you. I wish you wouldn’t squirm around so much and let daddy hug you and kiss you.

I wish you would follow after your mama instead of follow after me.

But I love you so much because you are part of me too. I’ve been in love with you since the day I saw you in the hospital.

Please know that as I discipline and train you, I might have to be fierce and it may seem like I don’t care, but I am only doing that so that you will grow up well-behaved.

I have to do that so you will be obedient to my voice. I may not have the time to explain all the dangers to you, so you must trust that I know what’s best for you.

Happy Valentine’s Day to Poey Chin, to Rachel and to all my dear readers!

Finally, some good news for the new year.

I’m not talking about the results of the by-election, but I’ve got some good news from work.

The management was kind enough to declare a two month bonus for everybody, and depending on your performance review scores you would get a factor of that amount.

I’m really happy that the company has rewarded us for a year of hard work. I got an above-expectations performance review score!

A little bit of the money will be used for Chinese New Year expenses, and a bit more will be used to get baby Rachel a car seat. I have given a portion of it to Poey Chin, and the rest will be used to knock down my housing loan balance.

On top of that, I have got a promotion to go along with my additional responsibilities. I’ve been given a team lead role, which is within the assistant manager grade in my company.

Thanks to my immediate supervisors, managers and CTO for their confidence in me.

There is a nice increment to go along with it, but sad to say it does not matter much once you think about inflation.

As a sweet bonus, the company president gave our department a special dinner to encourage us to work harder in our upcoming system implementation.

He had the chef prepare us a 9 course Japanese meal, with ingredients flow in from Hokaido Japan. What a wonderful dining experience. It was my first taste of caviar and 500 ringgit bottle of wine.

This certainly puts me in a nice mood to celebrate the Lunar New Year!

How about you? Did you get any good news too?

Photo By: Sue R B

I forget if I have mentioned this before. About a month ago I took on additional responsibilities at my job because someone left the company and there was an urgent vacancy to fill.

I was nominated for the position due to my experience and seniority I guess. After some thought I decided that it would be a good career move and agreed to take on dual roles.

That was the easy part. I’m sure that some of you could spot the problem immediately.

The difficulties I’m facing right now are:

1. Time. It just isn’t possible to do two jobs at the same time. I have to work longer hours just to meet the demands of both my roles.
2. Focus. I find it so hard to focus on completing my tasks. It seems like my day never turns out as planned because the new position comes with its share of disasters, emergencies, damage control and administration duties.
3. Quality. I cannot be as pro-active as I want to be. I cannot spend more time on little details as I want.
4. Everything is new. Most of what I (thought I) knew about the database administrator job function is only the tip of the iceberg. There have been several times where I had to face tremendous pressure trying to fix a problem without incurring data or business loss.

Well, not everything is that bad. As I am writing this post I start to realize that there are some plus points too. Bear with me as I console myself (haha):

1. I’m not alone. I have two helpful colleagues to delegate my tasks and some minor responsibilities to.
2. I’m learning a lot because I’m forced to stay on top of things. I also get to go for training (yay!).
3. The new challenge is exciting. It is refreshing to have something new to conquer.
4. I get to learn a bit of people management, because it is a team lead role.
5. My chances for a promotion next year looks promising.

In the meantime, I have a lot of thinking and planning to do.

Do any of you have advice for me?

Photo: Petr Kovar

Today I want to share on something that has been bothering me on and off again for the past few months.

There are just some around me who have hated me so much that they refuse to talk to me or even acknowledge me. There are those who will give me the evil eye or even openly appear hostile or irritable to me.

All this was due to me being in a different ‘camp’ somewhere, one time or another.

Do you face the same situation too? Do people ‘ban’ or ostracize you? Do they gang up to exclude you socially? Do they try to make you feel sad, lonely or worthless? Do they influence others against you?

If you do then I hope my post will help you somehow.

I feel the time is right for me to explore this issue because my sister is facing the same thing at her workplace.

If you were to ask me how I felt when this kind of thing happened to me a few years ago, I would tell you that I felt devastated. I could not stand being disliked, unpopular or even hated. That’s from the peaceful phlegmatic side of my personality.

Now? It doesn’t affect me that much any more. Obviously it still annoys me enough for me to write about it in my blog, but I won’t lose any sleep over these kinds of things.

What have I learned?

Here’s how I learned to deal with haters:

1. There will always be haters.

You can’t get everyone to love you. Everyone has different types of personalities, beliefs and backgrounds. There is bound to be conflict in your social interactions.

As you advance in life or in career, there will be more opponents, and more critics once you are in charge of making more decisions. There will be those who will be jealous of you.

2. Realize your self worth

Realize that your personal value is not dictated by others. Don’t ever fall into the trap of hating yourself, feeling miserable or even feeling guilty when given the cold shoulder.

If you know that you are a good person inside, what others say to you (or about you) will not hurt you so much.

Your self value and self-worth builds a strong shield against the things that haters may do to you.

3. It’s not you, it’s them

Sometimes it isn’t even your fault to begin with. Someone wakes up one morning and decides that you are to blame for all the crap they are going through, and starts to hate you.

Maybe you’ve said or done something that was misinterpreted or misunderstood and things turned sour from there. Some people can either be too close minded or even proud to accept opinions that do not reflect their own.

Sometimes you happen to be friends with someone they hate, or maybe you accidentally offended them.

4. Look at big picture

Will any of this matter in five year’s time? In ten year’s time? Will it matter as you lay on your death bed? Do you really want to spend your entire life feeling hated or hating in return?

It is just not worth wasting too much time worrying about your haters. Why not invest more energy into those who love you?

5. Take the high road

Why stoop down to their level and get involved in their games? I always tell myself, “ignore, don’t care la”. If I were to return an eye for an eye, it will make me as bad (or worse) than them.

The people around you do notice how you deal with these things. It may be your family, your children and even your bosses. Learning to handle such situations well makes you a more mature person.

What can we do?

1. Continue being nice. Make the first move to smile at them or wave hello.
2. Make apologies and amends if it is really your fault.
3. If you are religious, pray for them.
4. Talk to someone about your feelings and frustration.
5. If things get to the point where it’s interfering with your work, get management and HR involved.
6. If they threaten or physically harm you, make a police report. Do not retaliate!
7. If they continue to behave like this towards you, you will just have to move on.
8. Make new friends, and this time choose wisely.

To my haters out there:

1. Go on and hate me more. I really don’t care.
2. If you can treat me like this now, then you have been a fake friend all along.
3. Go on playing your little games. I only pity your shallow thinking.
4. Continue living in your little ‘kingdom’ you have built. Slowly you will find it growing smaller and smaller.

Conclusion

I hope that none of you feel that I am talking specifically to you. I’m not writing this with anyone in mind, just about my experiences in the past.

If you do feel that I’m writing this about you… then “you’re so vain… you probably think this post is about you… you’re so vain”.  Hehe. Or maybe those who ate the chili feel the heat.

What about you dear readers? How have you dealt with haters? Are you in this situation now? Please share your thoughts with me in the comments.

Photo: Sue R B

Today I woke up wondering where my life is heading.

Where am I going with my career?

What is my career anyway? Is it just going day to day, solving problems? Will all the ‘objectives’ and targets we are trying so hard to meet even matter at all in 1 year’s time? In 6 months time?

What will happen tomorrow? Other objectives, other targets? Other problems? Definitely.

Why then am I doing all this? Well, for one thing I’m very good at what I do. For another thing I’m getting paid for it.

But that thought has really given me the perspective that work shouldn’t be everything. The next question to ask is, how do we find that balance between personal life and work?

Now some would say that I have a Gen-Y mindset. The older generations would work hard, work weekends and long hours just to get work done. Maybe some would even say that I can think like this because I can afford to.

I wake up and there is baby Rachel peeking over the side of her crib.

All I see are her eyes and her hair. She smiles at me and her eyes become like mine when I smile.

And then I remember that she is one of the things that truly matter.

I look at my wife who’s already busy preparing milk for baby, and I remember that our marriage is something that truly matters.

I think of the time I waste on various other things like TV, Facebook and even blogging.

Why have I been spending so much time on things that don’t matter? Is this the legacy I want to leave behind?

Who cares about how many mobsters I have, or how much money I make in Mob Wars? Am I a greater man because my blog has a certain number of hit counts?

After I’m dead and gone, will my children think back to that Formula One race or that season of NBA basketball?

I’m going to start spending more time on the things that truly matter, and less time on the things that don’t.

How about you? Do you find yourself spending a lot of time on things that don’t matter?

Photo: Benjamin Turner

P/S: I’m quitting Mob Wars now.

Congrats to Leon and my wife for getting most of the answers correct, though it doesn’t really matter how many you got right. Most of the answers were pretty weird (and lame) anyway.

I’m sure you’ve learned some things about me. Hopefully you had a laugh or two.

Today I will reveal the answers to the test.

What Is My Favourite Colour?

My favourite colour is blue.

What Is My Favourite Animal?

I love dogs.

Who Is My Favourite Spice Girl?

Posh Spice. She’s the least talented singer but the best looking.

Who Was My Favourite Female Singer?

Cecilia Cheung. She’s not a very talented singer but the best looking (and she’s a good actress too!) Notice the word ‘was’. This clause is to prevent sleeping on the sofa tonight.

Which of the following will NOT compile?

The answer is C. This is the kind of thing I stare at every day.

What Is My Quirky Habit?

All of the above, which is touching my nose, sudden nose honking and loud nose blowing.

What Is The *censored*?

If you were really honest you would have said you don’t know. I don’t know either.

When Is Baby Rachel’s Birthday?

May 9th.

Which Is Heavier? A ton of feathers or a ton of rocks?

Hehe.

Who Is My Favourite Movie Villain? 

Dr Evil, from one of my favourite movies Austin Powers.

What’s My Favourite Fast Food Restaurant?

Another bonus point… it’s KFC!

En garde! Touché!

If you’ve played Monkey Island you will know how to answer this!

What Car Do I Drive?

I’ve blogged about this before too!

Which Am I Afraid Of?

The A&W bear. Or anything in costumes really.

What Is My Dream Job?

Bestselling author. I love to write, and I would love it even more if I got paid millions for doing it.

What Would I Want to Name My 2nd Daughter?

Cecilia. Guess why? But Poey Chin objects.  I’m gonna put it in the birth cert secretly and not tell her.

Poey Chin: “What is the meaning of THIS?”

Adino: *pretend to be shocked* “Oh? Must have been a mistake. Never mind la dear…”

Poey Chin: “I don’t want!”

Adino: “Okay what about Leia?”

Poey Chin: “Sob sob…”

My Favourite Reality TV Show?

Hell’s Kitchen

Favourite Doctor at Seattle Grace

Izzie of course!

What Is On My Wish List Now?

I just blogged about this last week!

What Sport Do I Like to Play?

Basketball.

Thank you everyone! Now you know a little bit more about me.

Remember I told you that I was sick during the Raya holidays? Well, one of the problems that I was having was ulcers in my mouth and pimples in my nose.

And so yesterday I was washing my face and started thinking about the pimples in my nose. They hurt a lot (on both nostrils) and it was causing me a lot of discomfort because it hurts each time I touch my nose.

Now, this won’t be such a bad thing except for the fact that I have this habit of touching my nose quite frequently. I don’t know where I got this from, or when it started. But I will touch my nose as a sort of exclamation point.

If I win a level in a video game. *touch nose*

Finish writing a sentence. *touch nose*

LeBron James does a slam dunk on TV *touch nose*

I’m sitting here trying to analyze my weird nose touching habit and it starts with a tingle on the side of my nose whenever I accomplish something. See, right now it’s starting to itch, and I’m trying… not… to… touch… my…

*touch nose*

Where was I?

Touching my nose frequently, and also the habit of clearing my nose suddenly would be some of my most quirky habits.

So with the pimples I’ve been having inside my nose, I had the brilliant idea of washing the inside of my nose with my facial cleanser.

I had these visions of the facial cleanser cleaning off all the oil and pimples (you know, like how they show it in the advertisements). There would be the cleanser stripping off all the dirt, oil, and the skin would be smooth and pimple free.

So I did that, and immediately my nose told me it was a bad idea.

I don’t know if it was too soapy or if my nose didn’t agree with the avocado scent, but a sharp pain went up my nose.

I washed off as much soap as I could. Then I started sneezing. Non stop. For a few minutes.

After that I sneezed so much I scared poor baby Rachel. The sneezing and running nose only stopped after I fell asleep.

So there you go boys and girls, babies and puppies. Don’t wash the inside of your nose with facial cleanser.

*touch nose*

Photo: Heather Sorenson

Yesterday I took the day off so I didn’t have to work on my birthday.

First of all I went to the EPF office in Petaling Jaya to make an Account II withdrawal to reduce my housing loan. I was one of the first customers there, and it was all done within 5 minutes! I was really impressed.

I didn’t even have to pay for parking since I was there for less than 15 minutes.

I went home and had a nice breakfast with Poey Chin, and we got ready to go out.

We went to One Utama to get a few items for baby, and then we went for lunch!

There’s my 3 pieces of KFC in the background

A closeup of the crispy, delicious chicken. The curry spice flavour tasted so wonderful! 

Finger licking good!

After that we went home, where I spent the rest of the day in pure leisure. Ahh, so relaxing!

Remember my wish list? Well, I’m happy to say that most of it has come true! I got a KFC lunch, a set of socks, and more friends (or should I say strangers) joined my Mob Wars and Safari Scraps!

P/S: I got this Minor FAIL in my email. They should filter by gender mah…

I’m not trying to hint at anything, or anyone particular, and I’m not asking anyone to be obligated here. I’m just trying to be efficient and honest.

You know, in case some of my family and friends reading this blog wonder what I would like.

My wish list is:

1. Dinner at my favourite restaurant KFC (I’ll indulge in three pieces of chicken please)
2. A pair of thick black stretchable socks (both of my current pairs have holes in them)
3. A white work shirt, XL size and not too transparent please.
4. AA batteries for my Wii-mote.
5. Sausages. I love sausages!
6. Someone to join/add me in Facebook Mob Wars and Safari Scraps.

There you have it, my simple wish list for this year.

P/S: I don’t mind a bit more of these

Photo: Ove Tøpfer