A few months ago I did this online survey about chewing gum and how we reward ourselves with sweets.

It got me thinking and I started to notice all these sweets I used to enjoy. I started to indulge a little here and there.

Maybe this explains my weight gain haha.

My favourite has been the Juicy Fruit chewing gum.

I still remember I traveled with my parents to Singapore when I was young. This must have been 20 – 25 years ago.

We were in church and I was with a group of kids in a Sunday school. I didn’t know anybody.

I was chewing a stick of Wrigley’s chewing gum (I think it was mint flavoured). I felt so cool because I was eating chewing gum, something we weren’t normally allowed to do.

Suddenly one girl said…

“Yer, who eat chewing gum?”

She was the same age I was. I don’t remember her face or anything about her really. Nothing except her question.

I stopped chewing.

Her friends started to look around, and I started to feel so guilty about eating chewing gum.

Guilty not because it was illegal (it wasn’t illegal at that time) but I was eating in Sunday school class.

The girl looked at me and asked accusingly, “you eating chewing gum?”

Yes, blame the Malaysian in the room. The one with suspicious minty breath.

I shook my head, and when she wasn’t looking I transferred my chewing gum to my right pants pocket.

I can’t believe it. I lied in Sunday school. Sinful.

Later my mother was puzzled to find the chewing gum all stuck in my pocket. Well, mummy mystery solved!

So each time I eat chewing gum or hear about the Singapore chewing gum ban, I remember this experience.

There are two other things I remember from that Singapore trip.

First my daddy drove his brand new Proton Saga all the way to Singapore.

Second experience is I got lost in a shopping mall. I was looking at toys in some department store and when I turned around my family was gone.

I remember feeling panic, walking around trying to find them and being too short to see very far.

Thinking back, I don’t think the store was very big. Maybe I was just a small boy so it felt big.

If I’m not wrong, my daddy bought this toy for me on that trip, the MASK Hurricane.

Now that I’m grown up I really understand how big of a sacrifice it was for my dad to buy this toy. It must have cost a lot of money.

And some more need to convert to SGD!

I understand because I would be so hesitant to buy something similar for my kids.

 

Today I turn 33 years old. It’s a spur of the moment and “oh no I forgot to blog” kind of post, so I’ve included a random photo of me reading to my two boys.

This year it’s even less special because I’m actually going to work today. I think it’s the first time in 10 years that I’m working on my birthday. I can’t take the day off because a project is going live today and I need to be around in case there’s problems.

I always like to look back at what I wrote last year. When I turned 32 I was in a vegetarian zone, so I skipped KFC but I think I’ll have my birthday KFC today.

Things didn’t get off to a good start. Last night Daryl was playing with our dining chair when he lost his grip and the chair fell on his toe.

Now he has a bruise under his big toe nail the size of a bubble tea pearl (in diameter, not in volume). This morning he was walking fine but he limped a little when wearing his shoes.

Heart feel so pain. He just wouldn’t listen because just minutes before I was telling him to stop. Sign this boy likes to learn the hard way.

Anyway today just feels like any normal day. My phone is a little busier with birthday greetings but that’s it.

Not that I am complaining, because I don’t like being the centre of attention anyway.

Aging

How does it feel to be 33 years old? Not very well I’m afraid.

I’m always feeling sick due to one problem or another.

I really need to restart some sort of exercise routine. Right now it’s all rather ad-hoc. I blame the kids haha.

Wish

My birthday wish is for my kids to be obedient so they don’t hurt themselves.

For them to understand the world is dangerous, for them to understand we don’t want them to get hurt when we say “No”.

Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to the wall. I talk to Rachel or Daryl and they just ignore me.

That makes me furious sometimes, even more so when they do get hurt.

Sometimes I wish I had a Barney or Cookie Monster suit. Maybe they would listen to them.

These past few days I’ve been feeling I’ve done nothing to deserve what I have today.

It seems I was fortunate to be at the right place at the right time.

Getting into the right company, finding the right career, meeting Poey Chin and having my children.

Someone has been watching over me my entire life, and I owe so much to my parents for always being there.

I’m thankful for my family, for my health and being able to make a living.

My greatest fear is that all this will be taken away from me. Either through force, my own stupidity or by divine intervention.

Is it normal that I lie awake at night fearing that I will lose everything?

 

Happy New Year! Some believe this is the final new year for humanity.

Anyway just want to wish all of you a very Happy New Year again. May all your wishes come true.

Toward the end of last year I was spending a lot of time thinking about my new years resolution.

At one of our company meetings, the HR Vice President shared this video, and it has some very useful reminders about achieving success and greatness:

This is the link if you can’t view the embedded video.

I have this list of life goals. I won’t share the details here, but I can tell you there are 15 things I wanted to achieve by the year 2015.

After viewing this video, I realize I need to narrow that list to just one thing.

I have a few choices and I haven’t decided what my “focus” will be.

Choosing just one thing is more difficult that you would imagine.

First of all, as a Christian you would be expected to choose God as your one thing.

As a husband and father you would be expected to choose your family as your one thing.

As a valuable employee, you are expected to choose your company, cost savings or profits as your one thing.

Choosing anything else would make me seem sinful, or selfish, or a bad “team player”.

But I’m going to choose something else anyway. Something I am passionate about.

Now, you ask me. What about all my other priorities in life? Do I abandon them?

Definitely not! I am still a husband, father, and employee. But in my spare time, this is what I will be pursuing.

And if you think about it, this goal of mine does not mean excluding everything else. Other areas of my life can be aligned along the same path.

My hope is I can do much more with the single focus. Then next year I can move on to other things.

I’m feeling really excited about this.

Hope you have a great year.

Photo by: Billy Alexander

A melancholic post for this Christmas season.

How exciting to be a child once again. I would have all the time in the world, and anything was possible.

I felt like I could have done anything if I had worked harder on it. It was just a matter of time.

But time slipped by and the hands of the clock didn’t stop their relentless march.

Here I am at the mid-point of my life looking back at missed opportunities.

I also realize with dismay that I’m running out of options as I grow older.

As I grew up I realized that I wasn’t the smartest. I wasn’t tall enough, strong enough or fast enough.

I could not be as creative or intelligent as I wanted.

I struggled to grasp the basics of things that seem to come naturally for others.

I am not a gifted, talented or natural at anything.

I am not good looking, charming or witty.

In recent years I realized that I did not have the resources, nor did I know how to gain more.

As time went on, I resigned myself to the fact that there were things I would never be able to do.

It hurts when dreams die.

Yes I look around and I learn to be thankful for the things I have and the people I’ve met. I’m so blessed with my wife and three kids, and for my family who’s always there.

I know I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I’m thankful for so many things.

But still, the dissatisfaction remains. A nagging thought and a stab to the heart at unexpected moments. The silent questions of why and what if.

I can make the feeling go away, but they always come back.

I can’t fully express what I feel. I’m not very good with words.

Opportunities missed are gone forever, and dreams have to be let go.

Younger people will surpass me in success and accomplishments. There will be others who are fortunate enough to receive piles of money while I have to struggle to save a few ringgit.

Maybe you tell me my priorities are not in the right place. What happened to following God’s plan? What happened to thinking about your children?

You’re right.

Maybe it’s time to give up all those selfish things. But I wonder what would be left?

I feel sad and a little scared because I don’t know where I am headed. I don’t dare to dream any more.

Don’t be alarmed or worried for me. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I always feel better after writing about it.

I just hope it doesn’t blow up into some sort of crisis.

Photo By: Benjamin Earwicke