Rainbows

I’ve been privately going through some times of uncertainty in the past few weeks. Change is uncomfortable, and I can’t make up my mind. I’m not sure about the path ahead. I don’t know if I’m making the right decision.

But I have been coming across rainbows and somehow it’s a bit comforting.

Here’s a photo of a rainbow in the sky. I saw this near my office one evening.

Here’s another picture. If I reach the office early, the morning sun is refracted through the office glass door, casting these rainbow colours on the wall.

I like this photo. The colours really contrast with the grey wall.

Finally I came across a third rainbow while visiting the KL Bird Park.

The rainbow is at the base of the waterfall.

I can’t explain why rainbows are comforting. Maybe it’s some memory of the story of Noah. The rainbow was actually a covenant between God and Noah not to flood the earth to kill everyone again. Kind of scary if you think about it (the part where everyone dies). But Sunday School teachers always use the story to talk about God’s promises and I think that’s the association I have in my mind.

Maybe it’s the colours of the different wavelengths of light. Always the same sequence. Consistent. Rainbows are really beautiful to look at.

 

 

 

 

Tired

Good evening everyone.

Today is no special occasion, it’s just a normal day on a normal weekday.

On my way home from work today I was thinking about spending a few minutes to write a post on my blog.

I just want to share how I’ve been feeling so tired. I don’t know what happened. I just wake up one day and find I’m stuck in this routine. 

Each morning is a mad rush getting the kids out the door, into the car, and getting to their respective schools. Then it’s the morning commute to work. After work it’s home to the same dinner. The same routine at night. The kids misbehaving. Whining. Struggling to get them to bed.

So tired emotionally and mentally that I can’t do anything except watch TV until I fall asleep. Sometimes the kids get me so upset that I’m quarreling with Poey Chin.

Every day I wonder what I’ve done in my life so far. Nothing great. Nothing successful. I look ahead and I don’t see anything different in the next 10 years. What do I have to look forward to?

Is it all just a slow grind? Living day to day, month to month and year to year? Is this all there is to life? Goodness. It’s June already. Where did the past 6 months go to?

I wonder if any other men go through this. I wonder if any of you fathers out there wake up in the middle of the night wondering if what you’ve done was all a big mistake.

I should have done (this and that) a few years back. I should not have made that decision. I should have, I could have…

Why am I still struggling in so many areas of my life? What happened to all the dreams I had?

I’m sorry, this is too negative and too heavy.

But I just had to write down these thoughts. I just have to share somewhere.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll look out for something positive to write about.

Juicy Fruit

A few months ago I did this online survey about chewing gum and how we reward ourselves with sweets.

It got me thinking and I started to notice all these sweets I used to enjoy. I started to indulge a little here and there.

Maybe this explains my weight gain haha.

My favourite has been the Juicy Fruit chewing gum.

I still remember I traveled with my parents to Singapore when I was young. This must have been 20 – 25 years ago.

We were in church and I was with a group of kids in a Sunday school. I didn’t know anybody.

I was chewing a stick of Wrigley’s chewing gum (I think it was mint flavoured). I felt so cool because I was eating chewing gum, something we weren’t normally allowed to do.

Suddenly one girl said…

“Yer, who eat chewing gum?”

She was the same age I was. I don’t remember her face or anything about her really. Nothing except her question.

I stopped chewing.

Her friends started to look around, and I started to feel so guilty about eating chewing gum.

Guilty not because it was illegal (it wasn’t illegal at that time) but I was eating in Sunday school class.

The girl looked at me and asked accusingly, “you eating chewing gum?”

Yes, blame the Malaysian in the room. The one with suspicious minty breath.

I shook my head, and when she wasn’t looking I transferred my chewing gum to my right pants pocket.

I can’t believe it. I lied in Sunday school. Sinful.

Later my mother was puzzled to find the chewing gum all stuck in my pocket. Well, mummy mystery solved!

So each time I eat chewing gum or hear about the Singapore chewing gum ban, I remember this experience.

There are two other things I remember from that Singapore trip.

First my daddy drove his brand new Proton Saga all the way to Singapore.

Second experience is I got lost in a shopping mall. I was looking at toys in some department store and when I turned around my family was gone.

I remember feeling panic, walking around trying to find them and being too short to see very far.

Thinking back, I don’t think the store was very big. Maybe I was just a small boy so it felt big.

If I’m not wrong, my daddy bought this toy for me on that trip, the MASK Hurricane.

Now that I’m grown up I really understand how big of a sacrifice it was for my dad to buy this toy. It must have cost a lot of money.

And some more need to convert to SGD!

I understand because I would be so hesitant to buy something similar for my kids.