It says, “HELP! I’m currently being held prisoner by the Russian mafia… if you don’t approve this they will kill me”.

And it ends with a desperate plea… “they’re coming back now, please send help!”.

Haha.

I thought it was one of the funniest spam comments I’ve ever come across.

1. You would think that the mafia would be selling products like drugs
2. Why would they kidnap someone to spam comment?
3. If they really kill the spammer, then good riddance! (though I think this was just a software program)

First of all, I have to ask: How in the world did Google know that I need to lose fat from my belly?

Did they spy on my web cam?

Did they notice that my fingers were overweight as I clicked on the mouse or tapped on the keyboard?

Was it because I visited the Biggest Loser Asia website?

Did I search for fat loss diets one time too many?

The ads are everywhere, even on Facebook. I don’t know if everyone is seeing them or its just me.

I can tell you right here and now, how to get a flat belly instantly.

That’s right. No need to wait one week. Get a flat belly right now!

All you have to do is to buy my new fitness video called “The Durian, Banana and Petai Diet with Adino” for $19.95 (free international shipping).

Eat your way to a flat belly!

If you order now, I will throw in a free copy of “Teach Your Baby Piano” e-book!

An amazing order not to be missed!

Learn how to get an immediate flat belly by taking a deep breath, and… sucking in your belly! Voila, instant flat belly!

Wait, did I just give away the secret, and now you don’t have to buy my fitness video?

Doh!

Err… ok ok I give you a 90% discount if you ORDER NOW!

P/S: Windows 7 is looking really promising!

Video: collegehumor.com.

Please take a few moments of your time to do this test to see how well you know me. Most of the answers can be found on my blog.

Ladies and gentlemen, babies and puppies, I present you Adino’s Rendang Udang Undang Test. If you pass, you get to sit for Mario Kart driving test. (Was I intoxicated when I wrote that last sentence?)

You can retake this test over and over again, but please don’t do that. I will know.

The score doesn’t matter anyway… it’s just the fun of taking the test!

Note: You will need to sign up for free at their website to take the test.

The other day my colleagues and I went for lunch at our regular coffee shop. The place was packed, so we had to share tables with others.

I chose a large round table where there was only one man, and the four of us sat down and ordered our food.

While we were eating, we talked about the usual stuff. A bit about work and a bit of catching up with each other. Well, actually I mostly listened.

Suddenly the stranger sitting next to me started to giggle. He was chewing a mouthful of food and started laughing to himself.

I looked around to see if anyone had told a joke without me realizing, and we all looked at each other.

Now I have to pause here to say that I sometimes smile to myself when a funny memory or thought comes to mind, but I’ve never giggled out loud!

So there I was holding a spoon of crispy sweet and sour pork with curry-soaked rice halfway to my mouth.

The stranger was a young man, slim and short with short cropped hair. He looked like he was in his early twenties, and he looked perfectly normal. If he didn’t look normal I wouldn’t have chosen to sit there right?

His giggling grew louder, “mmm hmm hmm… HEHEHE”

“You know what’s funny?” he asked us.

We ignored him.

“You know what’s funny?” he repeated. This time he did not wait for a reply.

“My supervisor kicked my butt!”

I’m not making this up.

He gave us a grin, leaned forward and said, “My supervisor Mr Subramaniam kicked me at my backside!” while pointing with one finger to his behind.

“giggle giggle HAHAHAHA!”

Me and my colleagues looked at each other, and then started to finish our lunch in the quickest way possible.

I held my fork in the ninjitsu fifteenth defensive stance to prepare for any sudden attacks. (I had to protect my female colleagues)

I was glad that guy wasn’t eating any western food which requires knives.

About five minutes later, he finished his lunch and left the table, still giggling to himself.

What a scary experience! What close encounters have you had lately?

Photo: Nick Winchester

I thought I’d want to blog about my handphone today.

As you can see, it’s an older model Nokia. I don’t even know the model name. I borrowed this phone from my sister two years ago. And I’m still using it today.

The screen is cracked because I sat on it. There are countless chips and dents from when I dropped the phone.

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t upgrade to a newer phone. It’s not that I don’t have the money. The issue is, I’m not willing to part with the money.

Sometimes people don’t seem to understand why this is so. Sometimes even my wife questions me.

If you think that the money used to get a decent hand phone can be used to pay for one month’s housing loan payment, you’d be unwilling to part with the money too.

Each ringgit I spend today means paying the bank RM1.50 tomorrow.

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with this Nokia phone. It still functions well. It’s just that I don’t get to snap photos. I don’t get any cool ring tones. The games suck. The keys stick together sometimes.

People look at me funny when they see my phone. It’s like:

1. *Stare*… “what… is that thing?”
2. *reach into pocket*… “ooh I got to check for messages and show off my phone at the same time”
3. *put down their phone on the table, next to mine*
4. *Stare at me with a smug look*

Everyone does this to me at meetings. I’m not bluffing.

Even the lady who cleans my office toilet has a better phone than me.

She puts her phone next to mine before she goes in to clean the toilet. (Okay, she doesn’t. But I swear I can hear her using her GPS).

“Walk one metre to your right. The pail is under the sink. Walk one metre backwards. Scrub 100 cm to the left. Rinse forty two cm high at 45 degrees angle. ”

I think I’m developing a condition I call hypo-fossil-paranoia. It’s an enhanced sensitivity to other peoples reactions to my old stuff.

Got any cure for this condition or not?

In today’s newspaper, there was a story about 40 men who were allegedly extorted after they were tricked into stripping on web cam.

Two brothers posed as women and flirted with the men with steamy messages. They then threatened to post these photos online.

They allegedly managed to get up to RM30,000 from one of their victims.

I wonder how it happened…
* dreamy-blur visual effect and play a bit of harp sound effect *

HotChick18: Hi, I’m a hot chick… please add me
Adino: !? Who’s that… I wonder who it could be… *add*

HotChick18: Hi!
Adino: Hi! Who are you?
HotChick18: I’m a hot chick.
Adino: Erm… cool. Do I know you from anywhere?
HotChick18: No, I found your blog. You’re really hot.
Adino: Do you know any other words besides hot?
HotChick18: Hahahahahaha! You’re so funny! Hahahahaha
Adino: So you read my blog?
HotChick18: Yeah, I (L) it! Makes me feel all hot when I read your blog
Adino: Err… I’m getting a bit uncomfortable
HotChick18: Uncomfortable? Me too… let me loosen my blouse
Adino: Whoa whoa… who are you again?
HotChick18: I’m a hot chick la. Very pretty one. See my MSN pic?
Adino: Hey, that looks like Jolin Tsai.
HotChick18: No no that’s me haha. You know what? I would like to see you naked.
Adino: What!? *gulp*
HotChick18: Come on, turn on your web cam and take off your clothes for me
Adino: Oh, I get it… you’re BengBeng, trying to play an April Fool’s joke on me right? You almost got me….
HotChick18: BengBeng?
Adino: Oh you’re Leon! Hahaha… good one…
HotChick18: I’m hot chick la.
Adino: Prove it.
HotChick18: Uhh… ummm… you don’t look like you’re 91kg at all.
Adino: Ok I believe you. I will do as you ask.

*Censored section*

HotChick18: Aha!
Adino: What?
HotChick18: I got you!
Adino: You got me? You’re Poey Chin? I knew it was you all along haha…
HotChick18: Who’s Poey Chin?
Adino: My wife la. If you’re not her, then what you mean you got me?
HotChick18: Pay me RM5000 or I will post you photo on the Internet.

Adino: Post on which site?
HotChick18: Err… uhh… I don’t know. I will post online la. Some website somewhere.
Adino: Sure or not? Got people visit one or not?
HotChick18: Got a lot of people
Adino: How many unique visitors per day?
HotChick18: Uhh… 1000. No 2000. Yeah 2000
Adino: Whoa! Cool, can link to my blog ah… give me some traffic leh
HotChick18: Hey don’t you get it? Pay me RM5000 or I will post your photo on the Internet

Adino: Wahh. Then I can become famous like Edison Chen like that
HotChick18: No no no… everyone will see your photo
Adino: Means I famous la
HotChick18: No no… I … You…
Adino: Thank you so much ah… wahh I can be more famous than Ah Gill and Cecilia Cheung already

*HotChick18 is now offline*

There are several lessons we can learn from this.

1) If you ever get a flirty message from HotChick18, ignore it because 95% of the time it will be a man

2) You’re spending too much time online if you get excited that a girl is flirting with you online (refer to point 1)

3) If someone wants to post photos of you on the Internet, must ask which site first.

4) Nothing good ever comes from revealing your naughty body parts to a live web cam or any digital camera for that matter.

5) Never reward scammers. It only motivates them to find another victim.

Photo: Francis Valadj

Media Conference Statement (2) by Adino Online administrators at KL on Tuesday, 26th February 2008 at 11 pm

It has been almost a week since his last post.

The blog administrators have been trying to get Adino to spend time writing another blog post, but has not been successful because he is incommunicado with an avocado.

According to family members he was last seen on YouTube watching all the videos of our Yang Berhormats in action in parliament.

We fully respect the right and responsibility of other bloggers to ignore and forget about this blog and undoubtedly, Adino Online’s problems are not even newsworthy.

If this had happened to a celebrity blogger, this will be reported on the front page, back page and the inside pages of every RSS aggregator.

We all hope that Adino can reconsider to return to the frontline of trying to write the Blog Post of the Century.

P/S: My apologies to Uncle Kit for my tongue-in-cheek parody of his post.

Yesterday I had the most harrowing experience. It was so harrowing I felt the hair at the back of my neck rise up. I could see my doggy’s life flash before my eyes. I hope I used the word harrowing correctly.

I was listening to a sermon by pastor Phillip Lyn (SIB Skyline) on my CD player and I thought it would be the last thing I heard. I prepared to call my wife to tell her I will love her… always.

I sat beside a ticking time bomb! It was just so ripe and juicy, ready to explode at any time.

You know that eerie feeling you get when someone is blowing a balloon and keeps blowing, and you know it’s gonna burst but they keep blowing? Or that feeling you get when someone is holding a really sharp knife and waving it around? Or that feeling just before the nurse pokes that injection needle in you?

It happened yesterday when I was on my way home from work. There’s this traffic light that was changed really fast, so it means cars have to wait very long to go through it.

I stopped at the traffic lights, and I noticed a lorry (truck) in my left lane, one or two cars in front of me. The car behind the lorry seemed to be keeping quite a distance away.

You know, sometimes I just wish I had a camera phone or a compact camera so I could have captured the scene for you (hint hint).

The lorry was carrying about 200 tanks of cooking gas. These were bright orange and yellow BP cooking gas tanks that were probably loaded to the brim with highly flammable fumes.

As I came neared to the lorry, I saw why the other car was keeping a distance. The driver was smoking away. In between puffs he dangled his cigarette out the window.

He was chatting animately with his colleague, and as he talked, he didn’t realize that his hand was drifting backwards, towards the flammable gas tanks.

Then he took another puff. And my life was spared. And then he started talking again. And his hand drifted again to the gas tanks. I could almost see the cheap red digital clock counting down to zero.

I remembered that scene from Police Story 4 when Jacky Chan and Charlie Yeung had that touching scene. You know, the one where he said “I will love you forever, even in the next life…” *cue mucus and tears effects*

My car was stuck at the red light for almost 10 minutes. As we slowly inched our way forward, I ended up beside this lorry. I sat next to this maniac expecting to die in a flaming fireball at any moment.

I would be gone in a second, because my milo tin Proton Wii-ra won’t offer me any protection. I wonder if I will turn out like a satay or like a char siew.

Well obviously nothing happened to me after that. The lights turned green and I finally managed to zoom away from the suicidal lorry driver. I forgot about my near-death experience when I saw my wife at home.

I’m alive! And I didn’t know I can be so drama.

Okay you can roll your eyes at me now.

P/S: I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to reveal my MSN address or not. I see some bloggers doing that… do you do it? Should I?

What perfect timing! I never have to worry about my baby’s medical expenses and education any more!

This is simply wonderful beyond any measure!

I don’t have to worry about getting income any more! I don’t even have to work any more! I can live my life doing what I love…writing, music and spending time with my family.

If you must know, some overseas bank branch manager needs someone to help him transfer funds out from his country. He sent me an email this morning. Don’t be jealous ok?

Imagine my surprise to read about this wonderful offer! I can finally pay off my housing loan. I can buy a home in Cameron Highlands and live there planting vegetables and rearing chickens!

I know, I probably have to do something illegal. This guy by the name of Dr Anthony Aka falsified his annual report to his bank and has under-reported $3.5 million USD.

All I have to do is email him my bank account number and he will remit the money to me. I get to keep 30%, which is $1.05 million! I posted his email a few paragraphs down. I never bluff you right?

Now, don’t ask me why a bank manager will hold a doctorate. And his email address looks very suspicious. And why did he forget to sign his name as Dr Anthony? Is there more than one person?

Don’t question why he would choose me out of millions of people. Don’t ask me why he is asking me, a complete stranger for help. Isn’t he afraid that I’m Interpol or something?

Oh, I can’t wait to claim my share of the profits. I wonder if he has Gmail.

His email to me is as follows:

Hi,

Pardon me for not having the pleasure of knowing your mindset before making you this offer and it is utterly confidential and genuine by virtue of its nature.I write to solicit your assistance in a funds transfer deal involving US$3.5M.This fund has been stashed out of the excess profit made last year by my branch office the International Commercial Bank which I am the Manager.

I have already submitted an approved end of the year report for the year 2005 to my head office here in Accra-Ghana and they will never know of this excess. I have since then, placed this amount on a
Non-Investment Account without a beneficiary.

Upon your response, I will configure your name on our database as holder of the Non-Investment Account. I will then guide you on how to apply to my head office for the Account Closure/ bank-to-bank remittance of
the funds to your designated bank account.

If you concur with this proposal, I intend for you to retain 30% of the funds while 70% shall be for me.

Kindly forward your response to: ton011icb@aol.com [Adino: Please spam-bots, take this email as my sacrifice!]

Mobile: +233-24-967-0169
With Regards,
Anthony Aka

I’m probably going to reply with something like this:

Dear Mr Akar

What a coincidence! I am also a bank manager, with the Cameron Highlands branch of CIMB. Last year I too under-declared my branch profit.

How come you only made a mere $3.5 million? Perhaps you had to share some of that profit with your branch staff to keep them quiet.

I got substantially more than that, due to my super power ability to manipulate database records with my thoughts.

Pardon me, I did not mean to brag about my super powers. In fact, I need your help. I have always wanted to invest in the diamond mines of Accra-Ghana. I am looking for someone such as you to head the operations.

I won’t pay you any salary (because you would obviously steal from me), but I would pay you $30 million to set up the company.

If you don’t want to miss this opportunity, send me an email at sweet16girl@streamyx.com. That’s not my email but don’t worry I can use my super powers to receive it.

With Regards,
Prof Adino Bambino Rocky-Stallone III

P/S: The road to wealth is not get-rich-quick schemes such as this. It’s through making smart financial decisions. Check out my latest Frugal Beagle article on How to Live Within Your Means.

Update: My Frugal Beagle blog seems to be down intermittenly. Please try again later if you can’t reach the page.

What’s the deal with all these emo advertisements we see on TV nowadays?

The trend started a few years ago with the Petronas Merdeka Day (National Day) series of ads. It was such a hit that other companies like Malaysia Airlines and Maxis started to do the same ad.

Nowadays we see more of these emotional ads on TV, and I’m telling you that they have lost all effect on me.

Here are some examples of the ‘emotional blackmail’ you can find:

1) The difficult life

The ad shows a mother working hard to care for her son. It’s implied that she is a single mom. She works day and night, and cycles around to fetch her kids to school.

The ad ends by suggesting how buying an OSIM massage chair can help to repay the love of our parents.

2) The lonely couple

It’s the eve of the Chinese New Year, and there’s a lonely couple waiting by the phone. They show a shot outside the house of lanterns lighted waiting for their children to come home.

Their children don’t arrive, and they are left staring at the phone. The voice over says “pick up the phone” or something similar.

3) The bored parents

The ad starts with a son talking to his father on the phone, asking how things are. The son then suggests installing the Astro satellite TV system at his parent’s home, but they decline saying that he’s too busy and they have everything they need.

In actual fact, they have been re-reading old newspapers and going to bed early.

The next shot shows how happy a home can be once Astro has been installed at the home.

What next?

My point is, these ads have lost all effectiveness because the idea isn’t original anymore. In fact, I feel it’s cheap that they would take advantage of our love for our parents to endorse their products.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to buy stuff for our parents, but I’m saying that I don’t have to buy stuff for my parents to show them I love them. I can love them with other better ways. I don’t like the implication that I’m not loving my parents if I don’t buy your product for them.

I’m tired of being emotionally blackmailed.

What are they going to come up with next? Here’s a few ideas

1) The payback

The ad starts with a young couple getting a baby for the first time. They spend the next few years wiping the baby’s butt over and over and over again.

Flash forward to today, and their child buys a roll of Royal Gold luxury toilet roll for them. The parents look so touched and start weeping.

The voice over says “they wiped your shit, let us wipe theirs”

2) The empty nest

The ad starts at a family dinner. There is the mother, father, children and their spouses, but there are no children. Everyone looks all bored and sad.

Flashback to the past when the children were still young kids. There was a lot of fun kiddy activity and everyone was laughing in innocent bliss. How happy a home will be with kids around!

Introduce the services of a fertility clinic.

“Special 2 in 1 twin package available, enquire at your nearest clinic now”

3) Nothing to boast

An old lady sits among a group of friends and they are all boasting of their children’s riches and successes.

They show the old lady very quiet with nothing to boast about.

(Wait, this sounds familiar… haven’t they done this one already?)

Voice over says “There’s nothing worse than having nothing to shut the mouth of Mrs Tai Tai. Give your parents the ammo they need. ”

Loong Fong financial services. Special 10% interest without collateral. Call 012 999 9299 to enquire more.

Conclusion

I think humorous ads work best. Look what it did to Digi (“Wah! Hou wong ah!”), and now Maxis is attempting the same.

What about you? Do you find these ads effective, harmless or plain annoying?

Last night I made it a point to watch the latest episode of Amazing Race Asia Season 2. Here’s why I just love watching the show:

1. Terri screaming at Henry.
   “YOU DRIVE NOW!”
   “WHY YOU STOP?! @$% @$% !@#$ ”
   “GO BACK!”
   “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE @#% ^Y& @#$% I GOT A LICENSE AND I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE”
2. Then when asked, who is the patient one at the RoadBlock, Terri says “That’s me“
3. Terri’s ‘bull run‘ near the end of the show where there’s a complete emotional and communication breakdown.
4. Marc and Rovilson are so good, and so funny. My favourite team to win.
5. Watching the misadventures of the Malaysian mums

Did you watch last night’s episode? I tell you I couldn’t stop laughing when Henry started weeping at the end. Imagine being married 13 years to that! Really pity the guy but then it’s hilarious.

Anyway, during one of the commercial breaks, we were bored after my countless Terri impressions.

The new Celcom ad (1+3 family plan with ZMS) came on. You know, the one which copies the Brady Bunch? (“Here’s the story of our clever daddy…”)

Poey Chin: “How come the boy doesn’t look like the guy’s son”
Adino: “Is it? Let me see”
Poey Chin: “Looks like a different race”
Adino: “Don’t know, you should ask the mother”
Poey Chin: “So bad”
Adino: *does a Terri impression* “WHY MY SON LOOK LIKE THAT!?” “YOU GO BACK!” “I DRIVE NOW!”

Have a safe weekend everybody!

P/S: I’ve written a new post at my Frugal Beagle blog about Christmas presents. Check it out!

Yesterday afternoon something interesting happened to my wife when she went to the condo management office. Probably nothing serious, but we had an interesting chat after that.

Warning: Not suitable for children.

Poey Chin: Dar… Just now as i was paying the maintenance fees huh..
Poey Chin: U know what i saw in the Mr.**** table?

Adino: Wat?

Poey Chin: Hehehe… something bout Viagra..
Poey Chin: I dun know is it a box or leaflet
Poey Chin: Ohhh….
Poey Chin: So shy

Adino: Hehehehe

Poey Chin: So naughty..

Adino: U notty la… see ppl’s things
Adino: Did u see if he ate some already ?
Adino: Hehehe

Poey Chin: It was on the table..not cover somemore
Poey Chin:
Poey Chin: Make me so shy laaaaaaaaaa.

Adino: Did he stand up? or just sit only?

Poey Chin: Sitting down la..

Adino: Oh!!

Poey Chin: Ohhh.. i dun wan to see his didi

Adino: Did he look sweaty sweaty?

Poey Chin: Yuck
Poey Chin: No la…

Adino: Did he stare at you?

Poey Chin: Dun know..
Poey Chin: No gua..
Poey Chin: There was another man sitting across him..they were talking

Adino: Erk!
Adino: Man?!
Adino: U just interrupted some gay party!

Poey Chin: Hehe
Poey Chin: Dun know..

[From here, the conversation goes on to normal mushy romantic stuff husbands and wives talk about.]

Tomorrow’s post: Baby names!

Photo: Lynne Lancaster

Ladies and gentlemen, kids and puppies, presenting to you DOS 5.0 – The Rap.

Oh, the horror! The terrible ryhmes! The repetitive chords! The synth music effects! The eighties fashion!

Listen to amazing lyrics like … “If you don’t know what command to use, just click on… the menus” *barf*

Warning: 5 minutes in your life gone forever!

So I decide to do a tag instead. Onida tagged me with the one million tag.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppies and doggies, presenting to you…

What Would I Do With One Million Durians?

Photograph: Elaine Tan

1. I would eat one (secretly because Poey Chin doesn’t like them).

2. I would sell one durian for RM4 and buy a Proton division for 1 Euro. Then I would sell it for 93 million Euros to make a handsome profit.

3. I would would plant 10,000 durians to grow over 30,000 durian trees. These trees will provide me with unlimited durians.

4. I will declare myself Durian Emperor. Poey Chin will be my emperess. Sushi my Castrated Shih Tzu can be my eunuch to take care of my princesses. The durian will be a sacred fruit you can only eat at even hours of the day.

You will not be allowed to make any durian cakes because it is disgraceful to the national fruit. Durian lovers will be given special preferences in housing, education, and business. Non-durian lovers will not get any preferences until durian lovers hold 30% equity.

5. I would throw a blogger durian party once a month. Eat as many durians as you want for free. Everyone invited.

6. I would donate 10,000 durians for scientific research to grow and clone the Ultimate Seedless Durian. This Ultimate Durian must be odourless so it can be smuggled into hotels and offices.

It must be thornless and cube shaped for optimum storage and distribution. It must come in different flavours to cater for different tastes. And it must play MP3s. People coming for my durian parties will be the guinea pigs professional tasters.

7. Fusing 100,000 durians together in a particle accelarator, I will try to come out with the anti-Durian. The anti-Durian is a durian that is there and yet not there at the same time. It can exist in different universes simultaneously.

With one anti-Durian I could compute the size of the universe in 1 day, decode the human genome in 1 minute and solve Sudoku puzzles in 1 second.

8. I would form a band called Durian Durian and release albums full of love songs (okay I know this one is lame).

*strokes beard* MUA HA HA HA HA!

Technorati Tags: Durian

I was looking through my AWStats web analytics today, and I saw someone coming to my blog looking for “naughty photos of my wife personal website“. Go ahead. Google that and see whose website is at position number 4. I can wait.

It’s me! I’m not proud of this. I’m a bit embarassed and feeling quite puzzled.

If you filter to view only pages from Malaysia, can you see whose website is at position number 1? Well, I can console myself that I beat the SPCA and their naughty cat.

Cham la… is this what all of my blogging has amounted to? Will people only come to read about how I hit my wife and look for naughty photos? What’s going to happen to my reputation now?

Let me say just one thing. There are no naughty photos of my wife here! My wife is not naughty okay? If you want to see naughty photos here, I show you my fist of fury first want or not? Don’t play with me, I was Street Fighter 2: Champion Edition expert ok?

I hope AdSense won’t start displaying some naughty ads, otherwise I may have to take it all off. I’m not talking about taking off my clothes! I mean take the ads off!

This has got to equal what CC from Quaint Melody went through. She got guys looking for how to mate with humans and C-Cup bloggers!

*sulk*

In the computing world, there’s a term “WTF”. I’m sure you know what it stands for (what the f***), but one other blogger has nicely termed it as “Worse Than Failure”. It is used when we encounter situations of:

1. Dumb management
2. Dumb programmers
3. Dumb users
4. Dumb mistakes we make ourselves

Let me share with you some stories of phone calls I get at work. Names have been changed to protect myself (the innocent).

Case One: Flirty Mary

Me: Hello?
Mary: Hello Adino, I have this problem…
Me: Did you click this and this and this?
Mary: Oh yeah, not yet hahaha… Adino you are so good la…
Me: No lah, haha…
Mary: You know ah, I thought I did something wrong in the system. If my boss find out I will lose my job.
Me: *joke* I also won’t have job la haha…
Mary: Then I don’t care, you take care of me la…
Me: Err… *quiet*

Few days later…

Mary: So Adino, I heard your good news… you just got married.
Me: Yes, haha I got married last week
Mary: Oh ya me too planning to get married… yeah… *try to save face*
Me: …

Case Two: Grandma Stories

Me: Hello?
Ms A: Hello Adino, I have a problem…
Me: OK, do this and this and this, then do that. Try now?
Ms A: Oh yeah, can already. Thank you for you help.
Me: OK, good bye…
Ms A: By the way ah… I really don’t like this other system la. So hard to use, not flexible…

*2 minutes later*

Me: Aha, aha, yes…

*2 minutes later*

Me: Mm… mmm… yeah I agree… *surfing blogs*

*2 minutes later*

Me: OK, Ms A, why don’t you raise your concerns to my manager? Ok? Thanks, bye!

Case 3: Know-it-all Jack

Me: Hello?
Jack: Hello, your system have problem.
Me: Have you tried doing this and this and that?
Jack: Yes I have, I even tried that and that and this…
Me: Hmm… strange…

*at this point the user sounds quite tech-savvy so I use more technical terms*

Me: So have you checked that the client utility is installed properly? When you installed, did you have administrator privileges?
Jack: Err… ya ya. I already did that. Your system not working la
Me: Strange… Are you sure? No one else is having this problem. Can you give me your IP address?
Jack: I forgot, where do you do that
Me: Start button, Run. Then type ‘Cmd’. Then use the ipconfig utility.
Jack: Where’s the Start button?
Me: …

Technorati Tags: Work, WTF

(If you don’t get what’s going on, read here and here)

No Borang (Form Number): NPB007

Nama (Name): Adino Chang

IC: 790101-01-1359

Alamat (Address):
No XX, Jalan XXXXX
Taman XXXX
Selangor, Malaysia

URL : www.adinochang.com

Tahun Mula (Starting Year): 2006

Kategori (Category): Professional / Bukan Professional / Semi Pro

Gambar (saiz passport)/ Passport size photo:

I hereby declare that the information provided is true. I will not misuse my blog for any agenda to spread slander. I will not touch on any matters enshrined in the constitution. I will only write about the “truth” published by our newspapers and television news reports.

XXSIGNATUREXX

______________

60 year old Ah Beng phoned his doctor’s office.

“Is it true,” he wanted to know, “that the medicine you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told Ah Beng.

There was a moment of silence before Ah Beng replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”

Doctor: “….”