“Christmas is a time, Christmas is a time, Christmas is a time, to love…”
Last Friday we sang Christmas songs during CG. Strange how some songs can really bring you into a Christmas kind of mood.
As we sang the song again, I closed my eyes. And then I was brought back.
I looked around me and I was standing in a house porch, red brick tiles on the floor and slanted white iron grills on the fence. It was raining, and I was holding a candle with a pink makeshift candle holder made of cardboard.
I look around me and see people from my past. People who were friends. People I miss. I think I was stressed about candle wax dripping more than anything else.
I don’t remember the songs we sang, but I remember a church uncle playing the guitar. And the food.
I closed my eyes again, and I opened them again in our old church in Taipan. I see many more friends.
I look down and I can see the black baggy pants I liked to wear when I was a teenager.
We were practicing as a choir, and as usual some of us were making things difficult for the conductor.
I remember looking at a few people (I won’t mention any names here) and my heart skipped a beat in joy.
Those were carefree years, but years full of regret. I should have, I could have, I didn’t…
It was time to go, but I didn’t want to leave. No, please let me stay a while longer. I want to experience this closeness, these happy moments.
I whispered a final goodbye, “I’m sorry… it was not worth giving all this up, for something that did not last. I’m sorry…”
In the next moment I am at the Kota Kemuning church. There were Christmas trees and park benches in the church hall. The lights were off, with the only source of light coming from tree lights and candles.
It was the most beautiful Christmas service I have ever been in, and I think I will never again experience something so unique and beautiful.
We had the service sitting on benches, it felt like we were in a park instead of in church.
I was laughing hard because we watched a video of our past performace as circus performing sheperds (don’t ask… I hope nobody will YouTube it).
I remember feeling peaceful. This was the place that healed me. The place and the people there, gave me a new life.
I open my eyes again as the song ends, and I look at Poey Chin and Rachel.
This is another chance for me. This is the time to cherish the moment, before it’s too late. Don’t look back ten years from now and regret again.
I wish all my dear readers a Blessed Christmas.
Blessed because you have good things in life. Blessed because you have a reason to live.
Blessed with no regrets.
Photo By: by Ali Taylor
[tags]Christmas, Memories, Regret[/tags]