The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Review

Last night I was at GSC Mid Valley to watch The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor.

I had free tickets because my boss kindly organized a movie night for the whole department.

So there were 30 of us in the cinema, most of us never having watched a movie together before. I was kind of enjoying myself, having the chance to sort of socialize with my colleagues. I say sort of, because I’m at my usual quiet self.

I have to warn you that this post contains spoilers, so continue reading only if you don’t intend to watch the movie.

In a nutshell, I was very disappointed with the movie. Read my Puppy Paws rating of this movie at the end of the post.

The movie starts off with the back story. A ruthless ancient Chinese emperor played by Jet Li conquers all of China, but he still wants to defeat his greatest enemy, mortality.

He sends his general on a quest to look for a witch (played by Dato Michelle Yeoh) who is rumoured to have the path to immortality. The general brings back the witch who reports that she does not have what she wants, and the emperor is filled with lust for her.

The movie shifts to a scene of the trusted general and the witch at some library, where they find an ancient magical spell book that contains the secret to immortality.

I don’t understand what happens next, because a time warp happens right there in the cinema.

I see two semi-naked people breathing heavily for half a second and the next thing I know they are bringing back the spell book to the emperor.

The emperor gives the witch any reward she wants, and she asks to be with the emperor’s general.

Needless to say, things go wrong. There is tripple crossing, and the emperor and his army are cursed. They all turn into terracotta warriors.

Two thousand years later, we come to the BIG DISAPOINTMENT of the movie.

Rachel Weisz wasn’t in the movie, they cast someone else for her role.

I tell you, I could have walked out of the movie right there and then. But I didn’t coz that would be weird… I was sitting next to boss!

I was like, what’s the point of watching the Mummy without Rachel Weisz?

The scene where they reveal this makes me feel so cheated. There’s someone who sounds like her, who looks like her, but is not her! She even says “I feel like I’m someone else”.

Ya, ya … that’s correct correct correct! You’re not Rachel Weisz!

So the rest of the movie was like blah blah blah.

Jet Li’s Dragon Emperor character was a mix of Darth Vader (same electronic filter voice, black suit and seems to have Force powers) and a Transformer (can change into various nasty beasts).

The climatic scene of the movie was the big battle between the terracota warriors and the undead vanquished souls of the opressed. Massive army battles are so overdone now. why is there a need to copy the LOTR movies?

I think I had a bit of Force powers myself… I was able to predict what happened next!

I will conclude this review with my patented Puppy Paws Rating system, which goes like this:

1 Paw = Bring a Game Boy with you
2 Paws = Go only if you got a free ticket from your boss
3 Paws = Okay to watch once. Forgettable.
4 Paws = Good script, acting, effects and cinematography. Add to your DVD collection.
5 Paws = The perfect movie. Start a blog about it!

The Mummy 3 gets a Puppy Paws Rating of…. 2/5!

The Good:
  • CG effects
  • It was free
  • Brandon Fraser topless
The Bad:
  • Predictable
  • Sound Effects gave me a headache
  • Brandon Fraser can beat up Jet Li? C’mon!
The Ugly:
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz
  • No Rachel Weisz!
  • (not to mention the actress who was cast to replace Rachel Weisz)

Here’s hoping that The Mummy 4: Sith Lord Exar Kun will be much better!

8 thoughts on “The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor Review”

  1. I think most of the critics say: it is a waste of time

    Adino: I think most will agree with them, since Rachel Weisz is not in the movie

    ๐Ÿ™

  2. Patented? Nice. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I’m glad it was free, otherwise it would have been a Frugal(R) waste to watch a 2 Paws(TM) movie.

    Adino: LOL!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *