Pain

mouthful of pain by Lauri Rantala

I’m going mad. I tell you that I’m losing my sanity.

I’m tired of repeating myself. I’m sick of screaming at her, trying to get Rachel to obey.

I’ve tried so many ways, but she just wants to do what she wants to do.

There is no reasoning with her.

It’s frustrating, maddening, infuriating.

It’s tiring. It hurts.

It’s disappointing because I always imagined daughters to be sweet, gentle, obedient and submissive to their daddies.

Nowadays Rachel will easily go into bouts of tantrums that could last hours. She will scream, whine and kick if she doesn’t get her way.

It could be triggered over the smallest things, like not making her milk fast enough, not taking her out, or even Poey Chin carrying Daryl.

I’m okay if this happens once in a while. But it happens multiple times a day.

Even worse, she is now starting to be rude to us. She will point her finger at us when she doesn’t like something. She will glare at us.

Then there’s her curiosity. Last night, after we’ve changed her and gotten her ready for bed, she dipped her hands in Daryl’s diaper rash cream and smeared it all over her clothes and body.

As you know, diaper rash cream is water proof and really hard to clean!

Curiosity is good, but why does it need to happen at 11pm?

People tell me it’s just a stage. I really hope it’s just a stage.

And I hope we’ll move on to the next stage soon. Otherwise it’s going be game over for me.

Being really honest and open with you all, I’m miserable at home. Sometimes I feel like escaping to the office or somewhere else.

But that just makes me as a bad father and a selfish husband, doesn’t it?

So you see, I lose either way.

I’m really ashamed to meet any of my neighbours because our home is just so noisy all the time.

Sometimes I look at Daryl and I really have fear in my heart. I don’t know how I can go through it again in two years time.

Photo By: Lauri Rantala / cc

8 thoughts on “Pain”

  1. every parent has a horror story to tell about the kids, & every father has a “bad father, selfish husband” moment as well.

    i don’t apologise for being dismissive of your woes – on the contrary, i emphatise with you & PC, because we (well, mostly the wife) have gone thru that phase ourselves & now we can laugh over it.

    and don’t forget what what you wrote in your previous post,”she will forever have a special place in my heart.”

    having kids is like a marriage vow, isn’t it? in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer?

    all the best!!

    Adino: Thanks for the advice doc. Will try to be better.

  2. Ahh I dunno man. Sometimes I still disobey my parents. 😛

    Adino: I also still do that sometimes… but try not to la. Now I understand how it feels from the other side.

  3. hello Adino ,
    im Rachel …lol ..one of your anonymous blog reader. =D.
    Just wanna say , Keep up the good work daddy !
    *thumbs up*
    im not a parent myself but i think your really doing a great job and Rachel is gonna grow up to be a wonderful young lady because of all the love you have shower her all this while.

    Adino: Hi Rachel! Not anonymous la, you’ve commented so many times hehe.

    Thanks for the encouragement.

    I was just having one of those really depressed times when I wrote this post. You know what? After I write it out and express my feelings, somehow I feel better (though I think I may have shocked and alarmed some of you)

    I realize that my Rachel has her positive traits too, just that I have to choose my attitude and actions when dealing with her.

    Like last night after I go home, she come over and give me a kiss *heart melt*

  4. Sometimes when Ben is cranky, he will act like Rachel too. Last time he would even threw things down from the balcony. Besides his toys, he has even thrown a 250g butter block :-p He stopped this bad habit after few strokes of cane. Anyway, I have since lost the cane 😀
    Adino, take it easy, they are at naughty two stage 😉

    Adino: I guess every child has their own way of misbehaving. We tried the cane too, but it doesn’t work. It seems like the lesson is forgotten the moment you put the cane away.

    Trying to take it easy… repeating to myself that it’s only a stage… that she cannot control herself at this age.

  5. *gasp!* not anonymous ?!?!….
    lol, but it was really my first time commenting.
    Are you sure you know which Rachel this is ah ?
    Blogging really does make one feel so so much better and things seems to be much clearer and problems seems much smaller in words.
    Have a great day ahead , keep writing !
    GBU!
    =D

    Adino: Oh, I checked your email address and it was really your first time! Sorry about that hehe.

    Thanks, and looking forward to know you. Do you blog?

  6. Bro I can only say that… when my time comes… and it really comes soon i can count on you for support since you’ve been through the terrible two’s…. I’m scared if my child is anything like me at 2 then i’m in for one super roller coaster ride!

    Adino: I guess you would have lots of energy to play with your kid haha. And for all you know, your kid could be the sweetest angel!

  7. Hi Adino,
    You are not alone… we went thru the same journey 10 yrs ago.. Good to release your feeling via blog…hehee. We parents need a channel to de-stress.
    I benefited from some of Dr James Dobson’s books like Dare to discipline & Strong will child. Will pass you and Nicole the books, hope it is still relevant. Can you take it from Nick @ CC tis Sat? I won’t be around.

    Adino: Thanks Jamie, ya ‘writing therapy’ always helps though I shouldn’t do it in a public blog too often haha. The books will surely help… after all wisdom is timeless. I’ll try to look out for Nick on Saturday.

  8. HAHAHAHA I hope it will be angelic… but if you see the genetical line then i am in one real wild ride! LOL!

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