One month after he changed our lives, we’re slowly adjusting to him.
To be honest with you, I didn’t have much time with Caleb when confinement auntie was here. Each time I picked him up, I sensed he was afraid of me, or he didn’t like me.
In the past week, I’ve had the chance to feed, bathe and carry him. Slowly we’re building that bond. He no longer tries to escape when I pick him up or cry. Instead he will look at me, and I think he can recognize me.
He always has that same expression, like in the photo above. He would look at me, observing, not responding. Mostly looking content and comfortable.
He looks at me, trusting me to take care of him. But I don’t know how to tell Caleb that I’m not perfect.
I look at Caleb and think, what a special and unique child. Each of them are so different, and yet similar in many ways.
When I hold him I remember how it felt to hold Rachel and Daryl. I wonder how Caleb will be. I try to imagine him all grown up. It seems like he’ll be a serious, steady, introspective type of guy.
Someone who enjoys immersing himself in the fantastic worlds he can find in books or computer games. I think I just described myself haha.
I could be wrong, it’s too early to tell really.
I just feel like hugging him all the time.
Slowly but surely, we are settling down into a pseudo-routine. There’s always a sense that total chaos is only a heart beat away.
It’s most difficult at night, when there’s just the two of us with the three kids. It feels like a juggling act.
Sometimes it’s so frustrating. One of them would cry or makes a noise and all 3 kids wake up. Then we have to start the bedtime routine again.
Poey Chin has become the Ultra Super Saiyan mom. I still don’t know where she finds the strength and energy, but she does it.
I guess the reward is, the kids always have this special connection to her. They look for her first when they are hurt. And they are comforted immediately when she holds them.
They only look for me when they want Angry Birds or Barney. Just joking. Sometimes they want YouTube too.
As a father, I sometimes feel like I’m alternating between the role as their play-mate and the role as the discipline guy.
At this stage I just wish for all the kids to be healthy. This past weekend Daryl was sick, and it was so hard. That’s why I didn’t have the chance to take any more photos and blog.
Daryl would be unwell and crying, Caleb would cry asking to be fed or changed, and Rachel would be getting in the way. It was so tiring and exhausting.
I’m also anxious for Caleb to get a few months older. At this stage, we’re so stressed because he’s so fragile and vulnerable.
I don’t know if I’m crazy but sometimes I wake up to check if he’s still breathing.