Today I’m writing a post to share my thoughts and feelings on the news of another baby.
First of all, we are one family. No matter how hard it gets, how tired we become, how frustrated we get, how much we have to sacrifice. Nothing can change the fact that this is our family.
As one family, we need to learn how to live with each other. There isn’t much difference between kids and marriage. We have to adjust to one another. We have our weird habits. We make each other mad. But having more kids means the potential for conflict increases exponentially.
We may need the help of our extended families, and any help we get is truly appreciated. But I don’t want to impose on others. I don’t want others to be inconvenienced or burdened because of me.
So I remember that we are one, and nothing should change that.
We only have two pairs of hands.
This is the most worrying part. This keeps us from really enjoying the good news of Baby 3.0. How can my wife and I handle three kids at once? This is especially tough on my wife Poey Chin because she’s the primary person taking care of the kids.
Our two pairs of hands (and two pairs of eyes) have to juggle between keeping everyone fed, entertained, clean, safe and healthy.
Our two pairs of hands have to find the money. It’s quite scary that we went from a comfortable financial standing to barely surviving within the span of a few years.
Every day I thank God for my parents support in the past, and years of saving money. Otherwise I will be in deep financial trouble today.
How can two pairs of hands do much more? The answer is leverage.
We have to find ways to leverage our time, our energy and our money. I mentioned in a previous post that this is one of my plans for the new year.
If we can get the right systems in place, we can spend less effort doing much more than before. Most of all we can be pro-active in our life instead of running around reacting to situations.
Three kids in four years? This was never my plan. If you told me this will happen on our wedding day, I would laugh at you.
I guess you could say we were not very careful. But what is done, is done.
The positive way of looking at it is, we get our ‘production’ done at one shot. Our baby kung-fu skills are still fresh. The cot, baby clothes, diapers and milk bottles are being used efficiently.
We can send them to the same daycares and schools. Text books, clothes and school uniforms can be passed down before they go out of style. They will have more in common with each other.
We have a good chance of seeing our grandkids since we are still quite young. We have the most energy at this point of our lives. We may even have time for a fourth child.
There are many negative ways of looking at it too, and I don’t think I have to mention them here. I think what we will have to go through is still easier than having twins.
Five was our target family size, and we’re thankful our family is almost complete.
It will be something new for me, because in my mind a family has always been four (my parents, me and my sister). It will be interesting to have to organize everything in fives.
Such an odd, un-even number.
It will take more time to get things done. It means another luggage bag in the car boot. We will have to wake up earlier, sleep later.
I do hope you understand if you see us grumpy, tired, quiet or looking unkempt for the next few years.
Okay one last item. Actually I used six because it sounds like sex.
I don’t have any preference for Baby 3’s gender. We already have a girl and a boy. I’m secretly skewed towards a girl, because I always wanted a sweet gentle daughter and Rachel turns out to be the opposite.
Poey Chin prefers a boy because Daryl’s such a sweet cheerful boy and we won’t mind having another clone of him.
We’ll find out in a few months.
I’ve gone from feeling shocked, to feeling distressed, and now I’m beginning to make plans for the coming baby. I’m not so excited yet, probably because it’s too early in the pregnancy. Maybe it’s because I’ve gone through this so many times.
Finally underneath all these feelings, the worry never goes away.
I worry a lot for Poey Chin. Pray with me for her health.
I used my future value calculator to estimate additional RM220,000 for a local college education for Baby 3 in 18 years time. O. M. G. I don’t even want to think of all the costs between now and then.