Missed Opportunities, Diminishing Options

clock by Benjamin Earwicke

A melancholic post for this Christmas season.

How exciting to be a child once again. I would have all the time in the world, and anything was possible.

I felt like I could have done anything if I had worked harder on it. It was just a matter of time.

But time slipped by and the hands of the clock didn’t stop their relentless march.

Here I am at the mid-point of my life looking back at missed opportunities.

I also realize with dismay that I’m running out of options as I grow older.

As I grew up I realized that I wasn’t the smartest. I wasn’t tall enough, strong enough or fast enough.

I could not be as creative or intelligent as I wanted.

I struggled to grasp the basics of things that seem to come naturally for others.

I am not a gifted, talented or natural at anything.

I am not good looking, charming or witty.

In recent years I realized that I did not have the resources, nor did I know how to gain more.

As time went on, I resigned myself to the fact that there were things I would never be able to do.

It hurts when dreams die.

Yes I look around and I learn to be thankful for the things I have and the people I’ve met. I’m so blessed with my wife and three kids, and for my family who’s always there.

I know I am more fortunate than a lot of people. I’m thankful for so many things.

But still, the dissatisfaction remains. A nagging thought and a stab to the heart at unexpected moments. The silent questions of why and what if.

I can make the feeling go away, but they always come back.

I can’t fully express what I feel. I’m not very good with words.

Opportunities missed are gone forever, and dreams have to be let go.

Younger people will surpass me in success and accomplishments. There will be others who are fortunate enough to receive piles of money while I have to struggle to save a few ringgit.

Maybe you tell me my priorities are not in the right place. What happened to following God’s plan? What happened to thinking about your children?

You’re right.

Maybe it’s time to give up all those selfish things. But I wonder what would be left?

I feel sad and a little scared because I don’t know where I am headed. I don’t dare to dream any more.

Don’t be alarmed or worried for me. I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head. I always feel better after writing about it.

I just hope it doesn’t blow up into some sort of crisis.

Photo By: Benjamin Earwicke

 

2 thoughts on “Missed Opportunities, Diminishing Options”

  1. sure sounds like a mid-life crisis….

    there are things you can’t change, eg. looks, charm, wit, & these you have to accept graciously.

    there are things that seemed lost, eg. opportunities, resources, but we live in a dynamic world, where circumstances change all the time. new opportunites will arise again but you need to be alert or bold to grasp these, & new resources can be tapped if you are aware of their existence.

    but yeah, don’t be so persistent in chasing those elusive dreams; some dreams just aren’t realistic. place your hopes on your own ability, however small you think it is, & on your family, who will always stand by you. after all, you aren’t that worse off where you are now!!

    if i may be so bold to say this, trust in God for in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, & who have been called according to his purpose.

    the question is: have you found God’s purpose for you yet?

    all the best!

    Adino: I can always count on your wise words doc! I can’t say I have found God’s purpose. Maybe I’m not looking hard enough, or maybe I’m not obedient enough.

    I thought I knew God’s purpose, but those things don’t seem as important now.

  2. Wah….so contemplative at this time of the year?! Here’s wishing you a better year ahead, bro! 😀

    Adino: I always get into a reflective (and critical) mood at the end of the year. Especially if I review things I’ve done or not done and start comparing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *