In the Dark Valley of Life

darkness by Piotr Pawel

Hi everyone I’m back after a long break. As you can probably guess from the title, it has been difficult the past few weeks.

I recently mentioned that I was going through some bumps. Well it’s become worse.

Rachel

Rachel is becoming really difficult.

She’s starting to pick up behaviours that we can’t accept.

It seems that she’s even regressing in some areas. She refuses to go to daycare, refuses to walk by herself, throwing tantrums.

I’ve tried being nice, being tough, and nothing works.

She just won’t listen or accept any explanation or reasoning. She goes into crying, screaming and stamping her feet when her demands are not met immediately.

Sometimes we just can’t give in because she demands to do something dangerous or impossible (like going to the park at 5am).

I really have nothing left to give. No more energy, no more dignity, no more patience.

Some say it’s the terrible timing of going through her early toddler years and the pending arrival of our third baby.

Yesterday Nichole and Rachel visited an expert in church and she came back with some helpful tips. Turns out there are ways to handle all these demands and tantrums in positive ways.

So we will be trying to follow and hope things improve.

Baby 3

I’m sorry to say this, but our third child is really the forgotten one. We’re so occupied with Rachel and Daryl that sometimes I don’t even remember Poey Chin is pregnant.

In the blink of an eye, Poey Chin is almost five months pregnant.

This weekend we will be having a checkup, and we hope to find out if we’re having a baby boy or girl so stay tuned.

I don’t tell anyone but I Baby 3 will stress our finances to the breaking point.

Money

I’m really worried about our finances.

In the span of a few years, I’ve gone from really comfortable, to just okay, to swimming hard to stay afloat.

I was hoping to sell off some of my shares to settle some upcoming insurance and medical bills for child delivery, but look at the stock market these few weeks.

Still in Chinese New Year mood because everything is red!

And on the other side of the spectrum, expenses keep climbing. Milk. Diapers. Doctor visits. Vitamins. Food.

I’m considering selling my car and cycling to work (it’s a 25km round trip). Maybe I’ll get a night-shift job at McDonald’s.

Maybe I’ll try harder to get income from blogging (HAHAHAHAHAHA joke of the year. Refer to sections ‘Rachel’ and ‘Baby3’ above).

Work

I try not to talk about my work, but work is making me unhappy too.

I’m doing a lot of things that keep me from doing things I’m supposed to be doing. Why? Because we’re shorthanded. And it’s really tough to find good replacements for staff who leave.

Maybe we’re just too nice because when someone complains, we have to take tasks as reassign to someone who doesn’t complain. Or, I end up having to do it myself.

Yesterday one of my most dependable and capable staff just resigned. I feel happy for that person, finding better opportunities. But I feel sad for myself. It’s like having to start all over again.

Two of my staff have resigned since bonus payout, and I’m suspecting one or two more are thinking about it.

Trying so hard for so few results. Everyone wants things to be perfect, user-friendly and delivered right now. I want that too, but I only have two hands and one brain.

The Dark Valley

So I’m not happy at home. I’m not happy at work.

On weekdays I don’t look forward to weekends and on weekends I don’t look forward to weekdays.

Everything I try ends with disappointment or discouragement.

I am failing as a father, a husband, a leader, a person.

I can only take it one day at a time. Hope tomorrow will be better. Try to survive the dark valley and come out stronger.

Image By: Piotr Pawel

11 thoughts on “In the Dark Valley of Life”

  1. Its tough darling..but we are in this together..one day at a time. Love u. At least we still have each other and the kids. Look ahead and do our best everyday. God is watching over us, we just need to trust HIM.

    Adino: Ok

  2. you didn’t mention the wife, so i assume there’s no problem here,& this is where you should start. strengthen this relationship 1st, bcos PC will help steer you thru all the other potential landmines.

    everyone needs a safe haven & the home is THE place to start. family 1st. once this is a happy place, whatever else life throws at you, you know where your refuge lies.

    however, if you believe in God, then this takes precedence over everything else, bcos you need to be right with yourself 1st. concerning the dark valley, King David has this to say:

    Even though I walk through the darkest valley,
    I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
    (psalms 23:4)

    be strong & have faith in your ability.

    Adino: Thanks for the advice

  3. There isn’t much I can do except to send you virtual support and that I’ll remember you in my prayers.

    But I will say this – you’re not a failure. Truly. Because the Adino I have gotten to know through this blog is a loving husband to Poey Chin and wonderful father to Rachel, Daryl and Baby 3. Everything you do is for them and you know (and God knows) how hard you always try to give the best for them.

    No matter how hard things get, God will see you thru and this too shall pass. Have faith and stay strong!

    Adino: Thanks for your support, and hope you get well soon.

  4. =(

    Feeling and praying for you and the family!

    Take care, and if you ever need an ear or shoulder or any kind of help, just call ya?! =)

    Adino: Ok, thanks Donny!

  5. Brother Adino, you’ve a family in the CG. Please, please do share your Dark Valley of Life. The Brothers & Sisters will definitely be willing to help. God bless.

    Adino: Thanks YK. I think I’ll be ok, sometimes just writing about it makes me feel better

  6. hang on there Adino! The Lord will provide the way, He is still in control.

    Adino: Thanks for the encouragement

  7. Try to think positive like dream of going to vacation for holiday with your family in a beautiful island. I know being a parent is not easy task even I am not yet become parent myself. Good luck πŸ™‚

    Adino: Thanks Alvin

  8. If you’re really not happy at work, why not try finding alternative job or company?
    As regards Rachel…haihhs…I know what you’re going thru bro! Say with me: it’s a phase…it’s a phase…it’s a phase…

    Adino: I love my job, just that things could be better and they have got better in recent days. Trying to find ways to make things better both at home and at work.

  9. Going to park at 5am, I like it πŸ˜€
    Ben would like to go to swim at 10pm, going to market in the evening, going to beach the next day when japan was hit with tsunami, etc.
    They are so naive, innocent and cute, aren’t they? πŸ™‚

    Adino: Yeah haha. I read that kids can’t control impulses very well, which is why they can’t ‘wait’ until the right time.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.