I Hit My Wife This Morning

It was bound to happen. I tried my best to prevent it from happening, but it happened anyway. I wasn’t even aware that I was going to do it. It just… happened. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep in the same bed with her again.

Now my wife is really going to write to Dear Thelma.

We were sleeping on our queen sized bed, her on the left side and me on the right side. It was in the early hours of the morning, and the sun hadn’t risen yet.

Now, I’m sure you realise that people have different sleeping styles. Some sleep like Superman (on their bellies with one hand extended), some sleep like a baby (curled to one side). There are those who sleep like Sleeping Beauty (serene, with hands clasped on their chest).

Some people sleep like Buddha (on their side, one hand resting under their head). Some people sleep like puppies (on their side, hands and legs extended).

My darling wife sleeps with a Zorro style (blanket covering her eyes like she’s hiding her real identity). I sleep with the inverted-Superman style (on my back, one hand extended and the other covering my eyes).

Don’t ask me why we don’t sleep all cuddled up like two bear cubs in winter. (It’s because I can’t afford to switch on the air cond every night). You can see how this sets up the disaster that is about to happen.

My wife was turning towards me, and I was putting right arm over my eyes. The next thing I knew, my right hand shaped like a fist (that’s how Superman flies right?) made contact with her left eye.

*WHACK!*

My wife straight away started sobbing like a baby (not real tears la) and I hugged her and apologised. She kept saying that I beat her. I was checking if she got a bruise or not, and comforting her. We ended up laughing about it.

So… married guys and girls, how do you keep from accidentally hitting your spouse in bed?

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19 thoughts on “I Hit My Wife This Morning”

  1. My girlfriend and I sleep on the sides of the bed that correspond to our sleeping positions. Since my right arm tends to be up behind my head when I sleep, I always elbow her on the head when we’re sleeping. So I sleep on the right side of the bed now to keep from elbowing her.

    Problem is now in her position, she hogs all the blanket. But I suppose it’s much better than an elbow to the face. πŸ™‚

    Adino: Ahhh… I never thought of that.. we could switch sides! But then I might end up elbowing her hehe… We solve the blanket problem by having three blankets on our bed!

  2. For the first time in my life, im being hit by the person that is the closest to me..why is this happening to me? *Dear Thelma* pls tell me what am i suppose to do? Shall i sleep on the couch from now on? or make him to sleep there to protect my eyes? Please help i dun know who else to turn to? We just married a month plus..and this has happened?!!

    Thelma: Dear Poey Chin, the best thing to do would be to ask your husband to wear mittens like babies do. If you cannot find any that can fit his hands, use those kitchen mittens (those you use to hold hot plates) instead. You should put a few pillows between you to protect yourself. If you need help or advice, please call 012-121 1234 for the Wife Abuse hotline.

  3. Hor!!!
    I tell your mother!!!

    Ever wondered what would happen to Louise Lane if Superman did accidentally whack her eye?

    Major plastic surgery required. Haha!

    Adino: I’m in trouble now *gulp* Don’t la… tonite I belanja you Horlicks at mamak la…

  4. There is no solution apart from sleeping in a hugging position (u hug ur wife) throughtout the night. But she may develop a rash though.. Your choice a punch or a rash?

    Adino: Hmm… I would have to ask her which she prefers. Both options don’t sound very appealing πŸ™‚ It’s going to be too warm if I hug her all night.

  5. Hurt is good. lol. Get a bolster. I hope it helps. Not hugging on it. Put it on the centre as not to cross anyone boundary πŸ˜‰

    Adino: No, hurt is not good… my wife is quite manja hehe.. anyway our bolster doesn’t help. It’s too light and it keeps falling off the bed.

  6. Looks like Thoof is great eh? πŸ˜‰

    Anyway, I wear a straight-jacket to sleep. That prevents me from hurting my wife. Hiak! Hiak! Hiak!

    Adino: Yeah Thoof seems to be bringing in the traffic. I’m surfing Thoof to find some interesting websites too. So… you got a supplier for straight-jackets eh? Got discount or not? Does it come it 100% cotton? hehe…

    *Welcome all visitors from Thoof!*

  7. I apparently keep whomping my fiancΓ©e in my sleep, also. I think the incidents are up to 4 now, though two of them are because of nightmares. She generally just hits me back, or gives me a hard time about it the next day.

    Adino: Four incidents? Apparently I’ve come across a very widespread problem here. Thanks for commenting! πŸ™‚

  8. Sure, just go to any store and find a jacket which is straight and does not have uneven stitching. Wuahahahaha!

    Adino: LOL πŸ˜€ Btw the visitor count just hit 170! My highest before this was 60 visitors a day.

    Update: From my experiments, Thoof users don’t actually have to visit my blog for it to register as a page hit. As long as it displays on Thoof, it registers a hit. Bummer πŸ™

  9. I have done that many times while sleeping. My ex told me that I was hitting her so much, she almost dumped me at one point because of that. It wasn’t every night, but weekly. Eventually she learnt somekinda thing or sound that I did every time before the hit. We figured it has something to do with me trying to keep myself secure and beat everyone who is a threat. I wasn’t even embarassed or sorry that much, since I was asleep. I was not to blame for that.

    Adino: I hope I won’t continue hitting Poey Chin. She’ll really make me sleep on the sofa if it happens regularly.

  10. 1. bigger bed
    OR
    2. put a pet in the middle= then, when this blog dies down we get a whole plethora of blog options about the pet

    3. tell her you need as much nooky as possible before bed so that you’re so tired you don’t want to move while you sleep πŸ˜€

    Adino:
    1. I just got my new bed, so it will be a few years until I get a new one
    2. I miss my doggy… but I will never allow him on my bed
    3. Hmm… no comment about that πŸ˜‰

    Thanks for commenting!

  11. okay yes it happens my husband does it. Its called fighting in your sleep. your just protecting yourself its a disorder that a doctor can help you with its a sleep study

    Adino: Thanks for the tips Laura, but it’s better now. We’ve gotten used to each other’s sleeping positions πŸ™‚

  12. Have you tried reconfiguring yourself to the ‘slightly off kilter reverse double fold superman’ style? I find this works best for me and keeps the dog off the bed as well, since she can’t easily crawl past the natural X my knees form in this position. For more information on this and other sleeping styles, read my new book: 1100239 Sleeping Styles Illustrated. Look for it on a street corner near you.

    Adino: LOL!

  13. Yes, I too have been guilty of this syndrome. Out of my entire 24 years of marriage I never hit my wife during sleep. But in the last 2 months I have hit my new girlfriend twice. Once pretty hard. Both times were after really vivid dreams of trying to fight off some people who were attacking me. I guess I will have to try switching positions and see how that works. Wish me luck.

    Adino: You got to stop watching those kung fu movies

    πŸ˜›

  14. Lolx.. When i first saw the post title i was like what kind of man can you do? Hitting your wife? Lolx.. Thanks for sharing on how you hit your wife when you sleep! ^^

    Adino: Haha, yeah the title was intentional, to grab attention

  15. Hello. I slept in the same bed with my GF for 10 times. 6 of them i hit them because of nightmares. I’ll give 2 examples. In the last 2 times i saw 1st: a person was shooting arrows to me so i extended my hand to protect myself and hit my GF on her mouth. In another nightmare i was fighting with a thief and i punched my GF on the forehead… This is becoming too embarrassing. What is the reason for this? Can i stop it from happening at all?

    Adino: Hi George, actually it helps to put a pillow between her and yourself. However I am certain as time goes on, you will adjust to having someone else in bed. It’s been years since I’ve written this post and now we have kids sleeping on our bed with us! I’ve got used to having them in bed.

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