Today I want to share on something that has been bothering me on and off again for the past few months.
There are just some around me who have hated me so much that they refuse to talk to me or even acknowledge me. There are those who will give me the evil eye or even openly appear hostile or irritable to me.
All this was due to me being in a different ‘camp’ somewhere, one time or another.
Do you face the same situation too? Do people ‘ban’ or ostracize you? Do they gang up to exclude you socially? Do they try to make you feel sad, lonely or worthless? Do they influence others against you?
If you do then I hope my post will help you somehow.
I feel the time is right for me to explore this issue because my sister is facing the same thing at her workplace.
If you were to ask me how I felt when this kind of thing happened to me a few years ago, I would tell you that I felt devastated. I could not stand being disliked, unpopular or even hated. That’s from the peaceful phlegmatic side of my personality.
Now? It doesn’t affect me that much any more. Obviously it still annoys me enough for me to write about it in my blog, but I won’t lose any sleep over these kinds of things.
What have I learned?
Here’s how I learned to deal with haters:
1. There will always be haters.
You can’t get everyone to love you. Everyone has different types of personalities, beliefs and backgrounds. There is bound to be conflict in your social interactions.
As you advance in life or in career, there will be more opponents, and more critics once you are in charge of making more decisions. There will be those who will be jealous of you.
2. Realize your self worth
Realize that your personal value is not dictated by others. Don’t ever fall into the trap of hating yourself, feeling miserable or even feeling guilty when given the cold shoulder.
If you know that you are a good person inside, what others say to you (or about you) will not hurt you so much.
Your self value and self-worth builds a strong shield against the things that haters may do to you.
3. It’s not you, it’s them
Sometimes it isn’t even your fault to begin with. Someone wakes up one morning and decides that you are to blame for all the crap they are going through, and starts to hate you.
Maybe you’ve said or done something that was misinterpreted or misunderstood and things turned sour from there. Some people can either be too close minded or even proud to accept opinions that do not reflect their own.
Sometimes you happen to be friends with someone they hate, or maybe you accidentally offended them.
4. Look at big picture
Will any of this matter in five year’s time? In ten year’s time? Will it matter as you lay on your death bed? Do you really want to spend your entire life feeling hated or hating in return?
It is just not worth wasting too much time worrying about your haters. Why not invest more energy into those who love you?
5. Take the high road
Why stoop down to their level and get involved in their games? I always tell myself, “ignore, don’t care la”. If I were to return an eye for an eye, it will make me as bad (or worse) than them.
The people around you do notice how you deal with these things. It may be your family, your children and even your bosses. Learning to handle such situations well makes you a more mature person.
What can we do?
- Continue being nice. Make the first move to smile at them or wave hello.
- Make apologies and amends if it is really your fault.
- If you are religious, pray for them.
- Talk to someone about your feelings and frustration.
- If things get to the point where it’s interfering with your work, get management and HR involved.
- If they threaten or physically harm you, make a police report. Do not retaliate!
- If they continue to behave like this towards you, you will just have to move on.
- Make new friends, and this time choose wisely.
To my haters out there:
- Go on and hate me more. I really don’t care.
- If you can treat me like this now, then you have been a fake friend all along.
- Go on playing your little games. I only pity your shallow thinking.
- Continue living in your little ‘kingdom’ you have built. Slowly you will find it growing smaller and smaller.
I hope that none of you feel that I am talking specifically to you. I’m not writing this with anyone in mind, just about my experiences in the past.
If you do feel that I’m writing this about you… then “you’re so vain… you probably think this post is about you… you’re so vain”. Hehe. Or maybe those who ate the chili feel the heat.
What about you dear readers? How have you dealt with haters? Are you in this situation now? Please share your thoughts with me in the comments.
Photo: Sue R B