Recently I’ve had some nasty life experiences. If you see me looking all moody, don’t worry it’s not because of you. It’s because of some difficult people I’ve had to face. So, in true ‘writing therapy’ fashion, here’s a follow up to my previous post on dealing with frustration.
How does one deal with difficult people? First of all, let me define who difficult people are. These are the people who just hate your guts. They actively seek to make your life miserable. They may gang up against you, or influence other people’s opinions against you. They are the bullies that take advantage of your weaknesses in order to hide their own. They are the people who just don’t like you for trivial reasons, and make sure you know it.
There are several ways to deal with these people:
This is my favourite method. You just take yourself out of the situation, and problem solved. I have taken this road more than I care to remember. The advantage of this method is a quick solution. Just quit whatever you are doing, and leave so that those people are not part of your life anymore. The obvious disadvantage is you missing an opportunity to grow and mature to deal with such people. I am not proud to say that I have taken this road more than once (I blame my phlegmetism), but I have learned other ways.
My (soon to be ex current) boss Mr Koay is a very nice man, and although I have worked with him for only a few months, I can see that he is an excellent leader with great vision and practical solutions. During some of the sessions where he was sharing to me about this topic, he told me this great truth. No one is going to love you all the time. More people will disagree with you the higher up you move in the corporate ladder, or the more prominent you become. You will face many difficult people. Some of them might even hate you.
The secret is learning to let go of the need to be liked and accepted by everyone. He told me that I should never stoop the their level. Instead, be confident of who I am and what I am doing. Never let them affect you. As long as you are doing good, you don’t have to let them abuse you. Don’t suffer from a victim syndrome. I’m really thankful that he is willing to spare his busy time to share with me all this. Trust me, even though it doesn’t seem like I have absorbed it at that time, I am really thinking about what he said, and it is helping me. I feel that it’s so true. If you can learn to be immune to difficult people, you will be able to focus on other things. You may even learn to be mature enough to be nice to them instead.
Submit to God
Another way to deal with difficult people is to pray about the situation and to trust God with the resolution. Seek God’s will for the path and actions to take. Keep your testimony. God has promised that evil people will perish, that we can cast all our cares upon Him. He has promised to be our friend, an ever present help during times of trouble.
I’m ashamed to say that I find this method the hardest of all, even though it seems like the easiest. All you have to do is pray about it, and do nothing. Simple? No. How do you pray if your heart is filled with so much anger, frustration, even hate? How can you do nothing when unfair things are being done to you? How can you not retaliate? I guess I need more maturity in this area. But I hope God doesn’t send me more difficult people.
In conclusion, I just hope that I don’t turn out to be a difficult person. Having experienced what it is like to be a victim, I will think twice before being nasty to others. I will make sure that I am not part of some mob bullying a vulnerable soul.
Do you have ways of dealing with difficult people? Please share your wisdom and methods with me.