Tired

Good evening everyone.

Today is no special occasion, it’s just a normal day on a normal weekday.

On my way home from work today I was thinking about spending a few minutes to write a post on my blog.

I just want to share how I’ve been feeling so tired. I don’t know what happened. I just wake up one day and find I’m stuck in this routine. 

Each morning is a mad rush getting the kids out the door, into the car, and getting to their respective schools. Then it’s the morning commute to work. After work it’s home to the same dinner. The same routine at night. The kids misbehaving. Whining. Struggling to get them to bed.

So tired emotionally and mentally that I can’t do anything except watch TV until I fall asleep. Sometimes the kids get me so upset that I’m quarreling with Poey Chin.

Every day I wonder what I’ve done in my life so far. Nothing great. Nothing successful. I look ahead and I don’t see anything different in the next 10 years. What do I have to look forward to?

Is it all just a slow grind? Living day to day, month to month and year to year? Is this all there is to life? Goodness. It’s June already. Where did the past 6 months go to?

I wonder if any other men go through this. I wonder if any of you fathers out there wake up in the middle of the night wondering if what you’ve done was all a big mistake.

I should have done (this and that) a few years back. I should not have made that decision. I should have, I could have…

Why am I still struggling in so many areas of my life? What happened to all the dreams I had?

I’m sorry, this is too negative and too heavy.

But I just had to write down these thoughts. I just have to share somewhere.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll look out for something positive to write about.

Juicy Fruit

A few months ago I did this online survey about chewing gum and how we reward ourselves with sweets.

It got me thinking and I started to notice all these sweets I used to enjoy. I started to indulge a little here and there.

Maybe this explains my weight gain haha.

My favourite has been the Juicy Fruit chewing gum.

I still remember I traveled with my parents to Singapore when I was young. This must have been 20 – 25 years ago.

We were in church and I was with a group of kids in a Sunday school. I didn’t know anybody.

I was chewing a stick of Wrigley’s chewing gum (I think it was mint flavoured). I felt so cool because I was eating chewing gum, something we weren’t normally allowed to do.

Suddenly one girl said…

“Yer, who eat chewing gum?”

She was the same age I was. I don’t remember her face or anything about her really. Nothing except her question.

I stopped chewing.

Her friends started to look around, and I started to feel so guilty about eating chewing gum.

Guilty not because it was illegal (it wasn’t illegal at that time) but I was eating in Sunday school class.

The girl looked at me and asked accusingly, “you eating chewing gum?”

Yes, blame the Malaysian in the room. The one with suspicious minty breath.

I shook my head, and when she wasn’t looking I transferred my chewing gum to my right pants pocket.

I can’t believe it. I lied in Sunday school. Sinful.

Later my mother was puzzled to find the chewing gum all stuck in my pocket. Well, mummy mystery solved!

So each time I eat chewing gum or hear about the Singapore chewing gum ban, I remember this experience.

There are two other things I remember from that Singapore trip.

First my daddy drove his brand new Proton Saga all the way to Singapore.

Second experience is I got lost in a shopping mall. I was looking at toys in some department store and when I turned around my family was gone.

I remember feeling panic, walking around trying to find them and being too short to see very far.

Thinking back, I don’t think the store was very big. Maybe I was just a small boy so it felt big.

If I’m not wrong, my daddy bought this toy for me on that trip, the MASK Hurricane.

Now that I’m grown up I really understand how big of a sacrifice it was for my dad to buy this toy. It must have cost a lot of money.

And some more need to convert to SGD!

I understand because I would be so hesitant to buy something similar for my kids.

 

33 Years Old

Today I turn 33 years old. It’s a spur of the moment and “oh no I forgot to blog” kind of post, so I’ve included a random photo of me reading to my two boys.

This year it’s even less special because I’m actually going to work today. I think it’s the first time in 10 years that I’m working on my birthday. I can’t take the day off because a project is going live today and I need to be around in case there’s problems.

I always like to look back at what I wrote last year. When I turned 32 I was in a vegetarian zone, so I skipped KFC but I think I’ll have my birthday KFC today.

Things didn’t get off to a good start. Last night Daryl was playing with our dining chair when he lost his grip and the chair fell on his toe.

Now he has a bruise under his big toe nail the size of a bubble tea pearl (in diameter, not in volume). This morning he was walking fine but he limped a little when wearing his shoes.

Heart feel so pain. He just wouldn’t listen because just minutes before I was telling him to stop. Sign this boy likes to learn the hard way.

Anyway today just feels like any normal day. My phone is a little busier with birthday greetings but that’s it.

Not that I am complaining, because I don’t like being the centre of attention anyway.

Aging

How does it feel to be 33 years old? Not very well I’m afraid.

I’m always feeling sick due to one problem or another.

I really need to restart some sort of exercise routine. Right now it’s all rather ad-hoc. I blame the kids haha.

Wish

My birthday wish is for my kids to be obedient so they don’t hurt themselves.

For them to understand the world is dangerous, for them to understand we don’t want them to get hurt when we say “No”.

Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to the wall. I talk to Rachel or Daryl and they just ignore me.

That makes me furious sometimes, even more so when they do get hurt.

Sometimes I wish I had a Barney or Cookie Monster suit. Maybe they would listen to them.