I Sat Beside a Ticking Time Bomb

Yesterday I had the most scary experience. It was so harrowing I felt the hair at the back of my neck rise up. I could see my doggy’s life flash before my eyes. I hope I used the word harrowing correctly.

I was listening to a sermon by pastor Phillip Lyn (SIB Skyline) on my CD player and I thought it would be the last thing I heard. I prepared to call my wife to tell her I will love her… always.

I sat beside a ticking time bomb! It was just so ripe and juicy, ready to explode at any time.

You know that eerie feeling you get when someone is blowing a balloon and keeps blowing, and you know it’s gonna burst but they keep blowing? Or that feeling you get when someone is holding a really sharp knife and waving it around? Or that feeling just before the nurse pokes that injection needle in you?

It happened yesterday when I was on my way home from work. There’s this traffic light that was changed really fast, so it means cars have to wait very long to go through it.

I stopped at the traffic lights, and I noticed a lorry (truck) in my left lane, one or two cars in front of me. The car behind the lorry seemed to be keeping quite a distance away.

You know, sometimes I just wish I had a camera phone or a compact camera so I could have captured the scene for you (hint hint).

The lorry was carrying about 200 tanks of cooking gas. These were bright orange and yellow BP cooking gas tanks that were probably loaded to the brim with highly flammable fumes.

As I came neared to the lorry, I saw why the other car was keeping a distance. The driver was smoking away. In between puffs he dangled his cigarette out the window.

He was chatting animately with his colleague, and as he talked, he didn’t realize that his hand was drifting backwards, towards the flammable gas tanks.

Then he took another puff. And my life was spared. And then he started talking again. And his hand drifted again to the gas tanks. I could almost see the cheap red digital clock counting down to zero.

I remembered that scene from Police Story 4 when Jacky Chan and Charlie Yeung had that touching scene. You know, the one where he said “I will love you forever, even in the next life…” *cue mucus and tears effects*

My car was stuck at the red light for almost 10 minutes. As we slowly inched our way forward, I ended up beside this lorry. I sat next to this maniac expecting to die in a flaming fireball at any moment.

I would be gone in a second, because my milo tin Proton Wii-ra won’t offer me any protection. I wonder if I will turn out like a satay or like a char siew.

Well obviously nothing happened to me after that. The lights turned green and I finally managed to zoom away from the suicidal lorry driver. I forgot about my near-death experience when I saw my wife at home.

I’m alive! And I didn’t know I can be so drama.

Okay you can roll your eyes at me now.

Sick of Those Emotional Advertisements

What’s the deal with all these emo advertisements we see on TV nowadays?

The trend started a few years ago with the Petronas Merdeka Day (National Day) series of ads. It was such a hit that other companies like Malaysia Airlines and Maxis started to do the same ad.

Nowadays we see more of these emotional ads on TV, and I’m telling you that they have lost all effect on me.

Here are some examples of the ’emotional blackmail’ you can find:

1) The difficult life

The ad shows a mother working hard to care for her son. It’s implied that she is a single mom. She works day and night, and cycles around to fetch her kids to school.

The ad ends by suggesting how buying an OSIM massage chair can help to repay the love of our parents.

2) The lonely couple

It’s the eve of the Chinese New Year, and there’s a lonely couple waiting by the phone. They show a shot outside the house of lanterns lighted waiting for their children to come home.

Their children don’t arrive, and they are left staring at the phone. The voice over says “pick up the phone” or something similar.

3) The bored parents

The ad starts with a son talking to his father on the phone, asking how things are. The son then suggests installing the Astro satellite TV system at his parent’s home, but they decline saying that he’s too busy and they have everything they need.

In actual fact, they have been re-reading old newspapers and going to bed early.

The next shot shows how happy a home can be once Astro has been installed at the home.

What next?

My point is, these ads have lost all effectiveness because the idea isn’t original anymore. In fact, I feel it’s cheap that they would take advantage of our love for our parents to endorse their products.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to buy stuff for our parents, but I’m saying that I don’t have to buy stuff for my parents to show them I love them. I can love them with other better ways. I don’t like the implication that I’m not loving my parents if I don’t buy your product for them.

I’m tired of being emotionally blackmailed.

What are they going to come up with next? Here’s a few ideas

1) The payback

The ad starts with a young couple getting a baby for the first time. They spend the next few years wiping the baby’s butt over and over and over again.

Flash forward to today, and their child buys a roll of Royal Gold luxury toilet roll for them. The parents look so touched and start weeping.

The voice over says “they wiped your shit, let us wipe theirs

2) The empty nest

The ad starts at a family dinner. There is the mother, father, children and their spouses, but there are no children. Everyone looks all bored and sad.

Flashback to the past when the children were still young kids. There was a lot of fun kiddy activity and everyone was laughing in innocent bliss. How happy a home will be with kids around!

Introduce the services of a fertility clinic.

“Special 2 in 1 twin package available, enquire at your nearest clinic now”

3) Nothing to boast

An old lady sits among a group of friends and they are all boasting of their children’s riches and successes.

They show the old lady very quiet with nothing to boast about.

(Wait, this sounds familiar… haven’t they done this one already?)

Voice over says “There’s nothing worse than having nothing to shut the mouth of Mrs Tai Tai. Give your parents the ammo they need. “

Loong Fong financial services. Special 10% interest without collateral. Call 012 999 9299 to enquire more.

Conclusion

I think humorous ads work best. Look what it did to Digi (“Wah! Hou wong ah!”), and now Maxis is attempting the same.

What about you? Do you find these ads effective, harmless or plain annoying?

That Looks Suspicious

Yesterday afternoon something interesting happened to my wife when she went to the condo management office. Probably nothing serious, but we had an interesting chat after that.

Warning: Not suitable for children.

Poey Chin: Dar… Just now as i was paying the maintenance fees huh..
Poey Chin: U know what i saw in the Mr.**** table?

Adino: Wat?

Poey Chin: Hehehe… something bout Viagra..
Poey Chin: I dun know is it a box or leaflet
Poey Chin: Ohhh….
Poey Chin: So shy

Adino: Hehehehe

Poey Chin: So naughty..

Adino: U notty la… see ppl’s things
Adino: Did u see if he ate some already ?
Adino
: Hehehe

Poey Chin: It was on the table..not cover somemore
Poey Chin: 🙁
Poey Chin: Make me so shy laaaaaaaaaa.

Adino: Did he stand up? or just sit only?

Poey Chin: Sitting down la..

Adino: Oh!!

Poey Chin: Ohhh.. i dun wan to see his ****

Adino: Did he look sweaty sweaty?

Poey Chin: Yuck
Poey Chin: No la…

Adino: Did he stare at you?

Poey Chin: Dun know..
Poey Chin: No gua..
Poey Chin: There was another man sitting across him..they were talking

Adino: Erk!
Adino: Man?!
Adino: U just interrupted some gay party!

Poey Chin: Hehe
Poey Chin: Dun know..