A Close Encounter

The other day my colleagues and I went for lunch at our regular coffee shop. The place was packed, so we had to share tables with others.

I chose a large round table where there was only one man, and the four of us sat down and ordered our food.

While we were eating, we talked about the usual stuff. A bit about work and a bit of catching up with each other. Well, actually I mostly listened.

Suddenly the stranger sitting next to me started to giggle. He was chewing a mouthful of food and started laughing to himself.

I looked around to see if anyone had told a joke without me realizing, and we all looked at each other.

Now I have to pause here to say that I sometimes smile to myself when a funny memory or thought comes to mind, but I’ve never giggled out loud!

So there I was holding a spoon of crispy sweet and sour pork with curry-soaked rice halfway to my mouth.

The stranger was a young man, slim and short with short cropped hair. He looked like he was in his early twenties, and he looked perfectly normal. If he didn’t look normal I wouldn’t have chosen to sit there right?

His giggling grew louder, “mmm hmm hmm… HEHEHE

“You know what’s funny?” he asked us.

We ignored him.

“You know what’s funny?” he repeated. This time he did not wait for a reply.

My supervisor kicked my butt!

I’m not making this up.

He gave us a grin, leaned forward and said, “My supervisor Mr Subramaniam kicked me at my backside!” while pointing with one finger to his behind.

“giggle giggle HAHAHAHA!

Me and my colleagues looked at each other, and then started to finish our lunch in the quickest way possible.

I held my fork in the ninjitsu fifteenth defensive stance to prepare for any sudden attacks. (I had to protect my female colleagues)

I was glad that guy wasn’t eating any western food which requires knives.

About five minutes later, he finished his lunch and left the table, still giggling to himself.

What a scary experience! What close encounters have you had lately?

Photo: Nick Winchester

Adino’s Ancient Handphone

I thought I’d want to blog about my handphone today.

As you can see, it’s an older model Nokia. I don’t even know the model name. I borrowed this phone from my sister two years ago. And I’m still using it today.

The screen is cracked because I sat on it. There are countless chips and dents from when I dropped the phone.

Sometimes I wonder why I don’t upgrade to a newer phone. It’s not that I don’t have the money. The issue is, I’m not willing to part with the money.

Sometimes people don’t seem to understand why this is so. Sometimes even my wife questions me.

If you think that the money used to get a decent hand phone can be used to pay for one month’s housing loan payment, you’d be unwilling to part with the money too.

Each ringgit I spend today means paying the bank RM1.50 tomorrow.

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with this Nokia phone. It still functions well. It’s just that I don’t get to snap photos. I don’t get any cool ring tones. The games suck. The keys stick together sometimes.

People look at me funny when they see my phone. It’s like:

1. *Stare*… “what… is that thing?”
2. *reach into pocket*… “ooh I got to check for messages and show off my phone at the same time”
3. *put down their phone on the table, next to mine*
4. *Stare at me with a smug look*

Everyone does this to me at meetings. I’m not bluffing.

Even the lady who cleans my office toilet has a better phone than me.

She puts her phone next to mine before she goes in to clean the toilet. (Okay, she doesn’t. But I swear I can hear her using her GPS).

“Walk one metre to your right. The pail is under the sink. Walk one metre backwards. Scrub 100 cm to the left. Rinse forty two cm high at 45 degrees angle. ”

I think I’m developing a condition I call hypo-fossil-paranoia. It’s an enhanced sensitivity to other peoples reactions to my old stuff.

Got any cure for this condition or not?

I Wonder Who They Were

In today’s newspaper, there was a story about 40 men who were allegedly extorted after they were tricked into stripping on web cam.

Two brothers posed as women and flirted with the men with steamy messages. They then threatened to post these photos online.

They allegedly managed to get up to RM30,000 from one of their victims.

I wonder how it happened…
* dreamy-blur visual effect and play a bit of harp sound effect *

HotChick18: Hi, I’m a hot chick… please add me
Adino: !? Who’s that… I wonder who it could be… *add*

HotChick18: Hi!
Adino: Hi! Who are you?
HotChick18: I’m a hot chick.
Adino: Erm… cool. Do I know you from anywhere?
HotChick18: No, I found your blog. You’re really hot.
Adino: Do you know any other words besides hot?
HotChick18: Hahahahahaha! You’re so funny! Hahahahaha
Adino: So you read my blog?
HotChick18: Yeah, I (L) it! Makes me feel all hot when I read your blog
Adino: Err… I’m getting a bit uncomfortable
HotChick18: Uncomfortable? Me too… let me loosen my blouse
Adino: Whoa whoa… who are you again?
HotChick18: I’m a hot chick la. Very pretty one. See my MSN pic?
Adino: Hey, that looks like Jolin Tsai.
HotChick18: No no that’s me haha. You know what? I would like to see you naked.
Adino: What!? *gulp*
HotChick18: Come on, turn on your web cam and take off your clothes for me
Adino: Oh, I get it… you’re BengBeng, trying to play an April Fool’s joke on me right? You almost got me….
HotChick18: BengBeng?
Adino: Oh you’re Leon! Hahaha… good one…
HotChick18: I’m hot chick la.
Adino: Prove it.
HotChick18: Uhh… ummm… you don’t look like you’re 91kg at all.
Adino: Ok I believe you. I will do as you ask.

*Censored section*

HotChick18: Aha!
Adino: What?
HotChick18: I got you!
Adino: You got me? You’re Poey Chin? I knew it was you all along haha…
HotChick18: Who’s Poey Chin?
Adino: My wife la. If you’re not her, then what you mean you got me?
HotChick18: Pay me RM5000 or I will post you photo on the Internet.

Adino: Post on which site?
HotChick18: Err… uhh… I don’t know. I will post online la. Some website somewhere.
Adino: Sure or not? Got people visit one or not?
HotChick18: Got a lot of people
Adino: How many unique visitors per day?
HotChick18: Uhh… 1000. No 2000. Yeah 2000
Adino: Whoa! Cool, can link to my blog ah… give me some traffic leh
HotChick18: Hey don’t you get it? Pay me RM5000 or I will post your photo on the Internet

Adino: Wahh. Then I can become famous like Edison Chen like that
HotChick18: No no no… everyone will see your photo
Adino: Means I famous la
HotChick18: No no… I … You…
Adino: Thank you so much ah… wahh I can be more famous than Ah Gill and Cecilia Cheung already

*HotChick18 is now offline*

There are several lessons we can learn from this.

1) If you ever get a flirty message from HotChick18, ignore it because 95% of the time it will be a man

2) You’re spending too much time online if you get excited that a girl is flirting with you online (refer to point 1)

3) If someone wants to post photos of you on the Internet, must ask which site first.

4) Nothing good ever comes from revealing your naughty body parts to a live web cam or any digital camera for that matter.

5) Never reward scammers. It only motivates them to find another victim.